So my husband and I spent 10 blissful days in Hawaii over the holidays to not only rejuvenate our souls, but to shore up and reconnect as a couple, because our collective work schedules can be brutal.
We often would carve out Saturday mornings for our weekly catch-up, if I am not traveling and we work as one vibrational team, which means we pick up where the other isn’t able to in the moment. So imagine my shock when he sat me down after watching me frolick in warm waters at sunset in Honolulu … and what he said, made me take a pause for the cause.
He said his greatest WISH when we first got married, was to NOT move me into his current home because it needed all kinds of TLC (he ain’t NEVA lied) and he knew I had lived in this great place for over 25 years raising my own two children. Frankly, he said he was embarrassed and just wanted to do a quick sale, move on to a place of my choosing and start anew with another mortgage.
He was shocked he said, when I looked him dead in the eyes, told him it made NO sense to start another mortgage at our ages and while the house needed a ton of work, I was willing to put in the time, energy and money with him to get it done.
He said I shocked him FURTHER when he offered to at least upgrade my car and I cackled with a thanks and said I would much prefer to keep the one that is already paid in full.
I am silently listening to all of this with my heart full because I truly loved him enough to get in the trenches with him and didn’t realize he struggled with what I opted to do.
He then said that he had never seen that kind of unselfishness and that many other women would have taken him up on the offer to move pronto with their nostrils turned up. It was that unselfishness however, that solidified his love in a way that made him say if anyone dares to hurt me, he would take action in ways that would stun them because no way was he jeopardizing what we have built together.
Our home isn’t just beautiful to LOOK at now, it’s also filled with warmth and LOVE. These things are important. Flashy things bring temporary joy- it’s who we are at the core that matters.
When we say we care about someone, it should not come with a bunch of superficial conditions. Rather, we should work together as a team to reach where we desire to be together and if the core of our love depends on where we live, the square footage of our Homes and what we drive, it’s only a matter of time before the cracks begin to show.
If we want a full manifestation of goodness and light, we have to be it in all we say and do. If and when my husband and I decide to move from where we are currently, it will be a decision we make together and not for the benefit of anyone whims or fancy. Because at the end of the day? All we TRULY have to depend on? Is that core love we walked in the door with. We know enough to understand that life is cyclical and when hard times come, without the core in place, trouble is not far behind.
I love my nerd y’all. Believe that.
Dueces and mad love,
My husband hasn’t found a meal that he can part with. Like seriously. I opened our refrigerator this morning and found a space filled with containers of food he SWORE he would get around to eating and invariably it spoils.
Somehow, his mind is not connecting with the receptor in his belly, that it is impossible to eat everything.
He saves my discarded food at restaurants,saying he will have it for lunch or a snack.
Several weeks later, it’s found smushed in the back of the fridge green or some other unhealthy color.
He saves the condiments from restaurants, and if I allowed him, we would have a side door filled with packets of butter, jelly, ketchup and hot sauce.
So in an efffort not to lose my sanity, I go behind him and get rid of anything that is over a week old but when I found the empty container, I was totally over him.
He never quite explained why he continues to store food like a squirrel or like a refugee from a war torn country who doesn’t know where or when the next meal will be.
Lord have mercy… he is going to gasp for air when the opens the fridge tonight because it’s all gone, every outdated bit of it.
Let’s see if he take the hint and eat those pears on the top shelf. A girl can hope right?
I won’t hold my breath.
Dueces and mad love,
The other day, I saw what could only be described as a shiny new toy in our basement and wondered who it belonged to because it couldn’t be ours. So I asked mister.
Me: babe, is that a weed whacker I see downstairs? Does it belong to our landscaper?
Him: no it’s ours.
Me: how sway? When I first got here, the weeds were taller than me in the back yard (no exaggeration) and the front was a disaster. I have never seen you touch, pluck or move a Blade of nature. What sense does that make?
Him: if memory serves me, it just needed a long cord and there is nothing wrong with it.
Me: but you are not using it so why do we have it again?
Him: it’s brand new.
Me: from 10 years ago and never used. Give it away.
Him: you know I can be a pack rat. I keep thinking I may need stuff down the road.
Me: I’m going to need you to unpack your rat because this house is void of your junk and it will stay that way if you want peace on earth.
Him: give me a week. If I haven’t figured out what to do with it, then we can get rid of it.
Lord have mercy. Did I say he was HIGHLY allergic to pollen? I have never seen him cutting grass etc as a direct result so I am stumped on why there is a weed whacker holding up a corner like glorified trash! I could feel him bristling at the thought of not keeping this thing he may never use but that’s how we start a collection of things we don’t need and an occasional purging is healthy for my mind and his body.😂😂😂😂
Speaking of trash- my husband and I keep having this one sided debate about it and who should take it to the curb on disposal days.
I see nothing wrong with dragging it to the curb but he is adamant that he will do it the night before.
So what is a sister to do? Keep in mind that I have lifted barns, helped to pull a plane and all other sundry of things but in THIS house, he believes it’s one of his roles because he doesn’t want me handling the trash cans.
I need someone to gently hold his hands and bring him into this century but in the meantime, I made an executive decision and dragged what is now two weeks worth of garbage out to the curb.
I’m praying he says nothing beyond thank you so I can keep my “I was ONLY trying to help YOU buddy!” Attitude firmly in check😂😂
When he’s home and can take it out, by all means but I’m not helpless and this is one less thing he has to consider if I make it home before him.
That’s what marriage is all about right? Collaboration, picking up the slack, not counting roles and supporting each ther.
I keep telling you all- this isn’t for punks so stay the course and don’t get distracted by the little things. Like trash.
Deuces and mad love,
We have some really ratty looking chairs in our kitchen. I mean REALLY ratty. They look so awful, I don’t have the heart to post a visual of them. Yep. THAT ratty.
It used to kill me to look at those chairs and not go out and purchase a new set, but something stopped me.
Just about every memory he had in our house has been expelled for one perfectly sane reason or another.
If you saw the way he was living, you would agree with me. None of his plates matched, no rhyme or reason to anything he owned and as long as he had a recliner, a piece of meat and his beloved football, he was fine.
He didn’t account for this new wife of his to come in and make the space a place of warmth and safety.
That meant gutting every floor and getting rid of everything that wasn’t nailed down.
I can laugh about it now with him but he wasn’t speaking to me at all for about a week😂😂😂😂
So why did I keep those ratty chairs?
The wistful look on his face when he wondered if we couldn’t just hang on to them, because they were comfy to him at night when he was tired after a long day at work, it’s where he sat to grade his papers and sometimes watch his beloved Eagles play football.
I love him way more than I despised those ratty chairs and so they remain. For now.
I realized today, my gesture was not lost upon him when he quietly thanked me for leaving his comfy chairs alone.
Lawd Jesus.. my next step is to find someone to re-upholster them before my heart can’t take any more. Did I say they looked good and terrible?
The things we do for love.. and compromise. Some of you may never be caught dead having something so awful looking in your homes and it may not be about some ratty chairs, but more about being aware of what you can do to compromise in relationships that always requires work.
It is so easy to fall into a space of not always considering the thoughts and feelings of the ones we love in an effort to get what we want, but those thoughtful gestures add up to long term goodness in ways we don’t often comprehend.
While our partners are initially drawn to us by something physical they see, they stay by what they see within us over time. They need to know we got their backs when it counts. When we give a little, we gain a lot in return.
Our mates should be a reflection of the value system within us. We attract who we are. Believe that.
Deuces and mad love,