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Squatty pottyย 

So  I think my husband is over me. But I swear, I am slowly becoming my fathers child with embracing all that is natural for our human bodies.
In that order, I quietly got this thing below and when it came yesterday and I removed it from the box, he looked at me like ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ

What is it you ask? 

It’s called a squatty potty.

You simply put it at the based of your potty and hoist your legs to use it as you handle your necessary business.

I gently explained the instructions were on it and only western civilization embraces sitting the other way which leads to colon cancers and blockages.  

Again he looked at me like I lost my marbles but undaunted, I set it up in the bathroom.

This morning after taking his shower, he says to me, “my darling wife, I love you with all my heart but I cannot get my legs high enough to use that contraption, so I guess I’m going to stay uncivilized and do this the regular way.”

I looked at his pitiful face and cracked up!! The squatty potty is the absolute truth people. We eat so much of the wrong things and our intestines can’t fully rid itself of the excess as it should.

As a child growing up in the islands, I used to marvel when I would visit family in the rural areas and watch as the squatted with ease to relive themselves… they stayed thin too and I didn’t realize that was the natural order of things.

We often scoff at what we don’t know but opening our minds could save our lives. Literally.
Go forth.
Dueces and mad love,

DivA

Good Googa Uber!!

So I had to get an Uber for several Days  in a row and I have come to the conclusion that many of those drivers listen to people confessing their souls while giving up a few confessions of their own

Chile listen… it ran from the ridiculous to the scary but this one dude made me gasp, smile and shake my head all at once.. 

When he got to my door and saw my infirmities, he hopped out his car, got my crutches and bags and was just wonderful in a way that told me he was special. His Hat was on backwards and when I got in his car, I noticed the back of his seat was almost reclined to a sleeping position.

He slid in and sat up with his seat just that way. I didn’t question because I have seen it way too much with young guys driving around in Philly.. they will keep chiropractors in business with that mess but I digress..

After asking if he could call me Miss Andrea and my answering in the affirmative, he proceeded to tell me that he was originally from Ohio but was transplanted to Reading at a young age and after feeling like he had too few opportunities, he moved here after meeting a young lady online and had been here in Philly now for a few months.

As he shared his life story, he said “you know, people judged and asked why I was making these moves and taking these risks and I told them I am the author of my book. I didn’t ask for editors and I am writing the story the way I see fit.” I damn near high fived the back of his head for those profound words of wisdom!

He went on to say,  he was filled with nuggets but had a hard time taking his own advice.

Then it got real. 

He said he would always choose women for their bodies and what was between their legs instead of what was between their ears and that he realized he was choosing Shallow intimacy over substance because he didn’t want to put in the work it required to have a good relationship.

He is so into this new woman who, from all accounts is so smart, he wonders Why she is with him, that he made a pact to NOT have intimacy with her for a year. He is coming to the end of that year and swears he loves and appreciates her all the more because they spent time learning about each other and doing things beyond the bedroom. 

Well I’ll be. 

His lesson and the way he chose to go about changing his habits, showed up this way and who am I to judge?  He truly believes in the power of intention, following ones passion and hard work, after he met the owner of a Car dealership while being his waiter and the owner found him to be so personable, he offered to train and hire him to sell cars.

He went from making $7 an hour to 60k per year AND he Ubers on his days off! I love it!!

The tenacity of the human spirit is something else. 

When we got to my destination, he took my stuff to the door of the building, shook my hands, thanked me for listening and odd he went.

I learned so much from him, not the least of which is to not stay stuck in your circumstances and to take bold leaps even if you can’t see where you will land.

We don’t get to judge people in their journey because it’s different from our own- our oath is simply that. Ours.
Dueces and mad love.

DivA

The Season of CHANGE…

Early last week, seemingly out of the blue, I received a phone call from one of my mentors who said she felt the unction to pray for me so she stopped what she was doing and we prayed over the phone.

I couldn’t figure out what that was about because I was cool and life was good… and then, the very next day, running in my bare feet to answer the doorbell, I slammed my left foot into the base of my sofa.

And broke not one, but two toes.

Ouch.

I knew immediately at least one was broken because the searing light I saw as I went down on those fluffy cushions, was a vision of heaven and hell all at once.

But to know me fully is to know this- I’m super determined to do whatever I set out to and so I got up, and went about my business while limping. I was so bold, I walked in a fashion show two days ago, changed outfits 4 times and had 5 inches of heels on and didn’t miss a beat. No one would have guesssd I was in pain at all. See for your self..

โ€‹โ€‹
And it went on for days. Six to be exact, where I went to work and attended events, before my husband forced me to go have my foot x-rayed because we Iced, elevated and taped those toes together to no avail. 

So by the time I got the delightful news that I had done the obvious and they gave me crutches, the ugliest shoe known to mankind, my films and a referral to see a surgeon, it was slowly sinking in that I would have a new normal for the next few weeks.

This is where it got interesting- my phone began to ring and texts came in at all kinds of hours about what folks can do to run errands, take me to work etc and I was simply blown away. We live in a “I’m doing me and you better do you”  society, and yet here I was, the grateful recipient of love in the midst of this change happening around me. 

I’m freaking grateful. Believe that.

I also noticed something else too. And I will be back to address that at another time but this mentor had not a whole week ago, sat me down and said the season of change is upon me and the ones who don’t want that change to take place, will be the least kind or helpful and may even eliminate themselves by finding a reason to disagree about something to create issues.

The thing is this- I have been swirling with the winds of change for a while now and that meant stepping into spaces of discomfort and off ledges of  comfort and complacency.

If we want to fully actualize our purpose here on earth, what other choices do we have? If you are the smartest person in your circle, you need to get over yourself and elevate with people who already are where you are trying to  go so you can learn and grow.

I can see with these broken toes, the lessons in this new season has begun but the beautiful part is simply this- prayer works, the turmoil won’t last forever and the sun on the other side of it all, will be blinding in its splendor.

Never let the challenges deter you from you mission but also cocoon yourself with at least ONE person, that you can call and share with no matter the hour.

To my dogmatic mentor- you know who you are-thank you.


Dueces and mad love,

DivA

The Five Second Rule…

Mister and I share and banter with each other like no other as evidenced below. I posted this conversation  on my facebook page last year…..

So I’m fussing at hubby about making up the bed if he leaves the house after me and was winding up to give my reasons why when he walked over and lifted both my arms..

Me: what are you doing?
Him: looking for the “return” sticker. I know you have one some where. I signed a money back guarantee for you.
๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ
The look on my face made him drop my arms and laugh so hard, I cracked up too despite myself…๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

It ain’t THAT easy to return me buddy…

Every single day, we go back and forth and howl with laughter because we so appreciate the genuineness we share with each other.

We also have this steadfast rule that we chat on Saturday mornings before the world is awake and get caught up on our week. His days are 16 hours long and one would be hard pressed to catch me this side of the continent as I travel around for work.

Stay with me because this is good.

After reading an article this morning, I turned to him and asked if he believes men should be the one to approach women and not the other way around. He paused and replied “we should never paint a broad brush over anyone or anything. It’s nice for us men to go seeking what we desire but it is equally nice to be desired ourselves. I think it’s okay for a woman to show interest if she has it.”

“That is interesting and I am so glad I asked you. So what makes it difficult for men when the like a woman?” I asked.

“When they are deliberately coy and play hard to get to the point where we turn the corner and get someone else. It should not feel that difficult.” 

He shifted and looked at me and began to remind me how we met. He remembered key things like what I was wearing, what I said to the audience in the room but he was more struck by my authenticity and kindness to the people around me and wanted to know me better.

We cackled and howled to the blue corn moon when he said for a whole week in 2015 he simply did not like me for purging the house and throwing away everything.

We got to reminiscing when he shared about the one week we didn’t speak very early on in our relationship because we were upset with each other and he said it felt like the longest week of his life. He knew without a doubt then, he was going to figure out how to get me to marry him. I confessed I missed him horribly too.

He shared he cried for almost an hour on our wedding night because he was so filled with gratitude to finally have a wife who he could share everything with and would love him no matter what. He said he prayed hard for this to happen but when it did, he couldn’t fully express his happiness and it came out in tears.

We spoke about these misnomers floating around that people follow instead of their own soul which is why unhappiness abounds.

He took my hand and said  “do you know why we have not once had a full blown argument about anything? I believe in the 5 second rule. If we take time to process things and not allow our emotions to spew negativity, anything is workable. I love you enough to never scream at you and I am certainly not going to lob obscenities your way. Not only would you not hear the message that would be lost in the screaming, It’s disrespectful to you and us as a couple. You are everything to me even when I drive you nuts.”

Lord Jesus. Did I say I love him?  If  more couples would talk things through, we could all deal with the crap life throws our way. My husband and I have had our fair share but he always reminds me that at the end of the day, we are it and he will die protecting what he prayed so hard for.

Now.

When you are able to feel a love like this, what does one do but return it?

I can’t ever tell anyone who they should choose but what I can say is this- see beneath the outer package and look at the heart and soul. Too many well dressed, well packaged empty souls are walking among us that can do untold damage if we aren’t careful.
Dueces and mad love 

Diva

Ima need you to unpack that rat sir…

The other day, I saw what could only be described as a shiny new toy in our basement and wondered who it belonged to  because it  couldn’t be ours. So I asked mister.
Me: babe, is that a weed whacker I see downstairs? Does it belong to our landscaper?

Him: no it’s ours.

Me: how sway? When I first got here, the weeds were taller than me in the back yard (no exaggeration) and the front was a disaster. I have never seen you touch, pluck or move a Blade of nature. What sense does that make?

Him: if memory serves me, it just needed a long cord and there is nothing wrong with it.

Me: but you are not using it so why do we have it again?

Him: it’s brand new.

Me: from 10 years ago and never used. Give it away.

Him: you know I can be a pack rat. I keep thinking I may need stuff down the road.

Me: I’m going to need you to unpack your rat because this house is void of your junk and it will stay that way if you want peace on earth.

Him: give me a week. If I haven’t figured out what to do with it, then we can get rid of it.
Lord have mercy. Did I say he was HIGHLY allergic to pollen? I have never seen him cutting grass etc as a direct result so I am stumped on why there is a weed whacker holding up a corner like glorified trash! I could feel him bristling at the thought of not keeping this thing he may never use but that’s how we start a collection of things we don’t need and an occasional purging is healthy for my mind and his body.๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
Speaking of trash- my husband and I keep having this one sided debate about it and who should take it to the curb on disposal days.

I see nothing wrong with dragging it to the curb but he is adamant that he will do it the night before.
Slight problem.

 He usually gets home so late that he’s dragging himself and while he takes all the trash he can find out, he usually misses a can or two. 
Last week, he missed them all.

My side eye on stun

So what is a sister to do? Keep in mind that I have lifted barns, helped to pull a plane and all other sundry of things but in THIS house, he believes it’s one of his roles because he doesn’t want me handling the trash cans.
I need someone to gently hold his hands and bring him into this century but in the meantime, I made an executive decision and dragged what is now two weeks worth of garbage out to the curb.
I’m praying he says nothing beyond thank you so I can keep my “I was ONLY trying to help YOU buddy!” Attitude firmly in check๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
When he’s home and can take it out, by all means but I’m not helpless and this is one less thing he has to consider if I make it home before him.
That’s what marriage is all about right? Collaboration, picking up the slack, not counting roles and supporting  each ther.

I keep telling you all- this isn’t for punks so stay the course and don’t get distracted by the little things. Like trash.

Deuces and mad love,

Diva

If I only had a brain… haste makes waste

About 12 months before the newest iPhones hit the market, my old one began behaving as if it was too much for me to ask it to do simple things like stay on and not reset in the middle Of a conversation. 

I called my son the iNerd and after running some diagnostics, declared my phone had some mother board issues and I would need to part with it soon.

I paid him no earthly mind and went about the business of adapting to soft resets several times a day to get the darn thing to work.

The week or so after the 7 was launched, my phone became possessed, and just told me off by doing nothing I required of it. You can’t tell me Apple is innocent in all of these coincidences but since I’m not an apple genius, I may never prove my hypothesis.

Off I went to purchase another phone and when told the price, I gasped for air, called down Jesus and all his disciples, yes, even Judas,  weighed my options and bought it.

So here I had this shiny new object right out the box and I removed the charger and left the earphones within so I could familiarize myself with the thing.
I’m chugging along mildly impressed and went to play music in my car only to realize there was no auxiliary jack on the phone??๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ all the money it costs?  Are we serious right now?

I went online and googled, got no information that didn’t require my spending hundreds more dollars. I don’t hardly think so!

So today some

5 days later, I finally make my way to the phone carrier and the employee walked me out to my car while assuring  me that it should work with the Bluetooth in my car. 

Slight issue. My Bluetooth comes through the rear view mirror and he declared my car too fancy for him.

Ninja please.

Mildly frustrated that I would have to spend extra monies, I  next went to the Apple Store, walked in and told a salesperson what my issue was and could they solve it?
He quickly said ” yes ma’am. Go look in your packaging box, lift the cordless earphones and right behind it, you will see a tiny adapter that will allow you to keep listening to your music in the car with no issue.”

Say what now? The answer was right there in the box? The box I didn’t bother to fully look through and spent needless days trying to fix a problem I DIDNT have??

The very obvious lessons for me?

  • Don’t assume anything
  • Read directions carefully and look at every scenario before getting upset.
  • Slow down and take time to process.
  • Things aren’t always as complicated as we make them seem
  • The answers are usually right there in front of you.
  • I need a new brain๐Ÿ˜‚

Whew!! I didn’t have to pay a dime but I learned quite bit only to return to what was already there. 

In case I’mNot the only mad hatter running around about no auxiliary access, look in your boxes for this piece below.  You  Can thank  me later.

As for the employee in the phone carrier store- what was HIS excuse for not knowing his company’s products? 
Lawd.
Deuces and mad love,

Diva 

The heartburn that became a dope lesson

We have some really ratty looking chairs in our kitchen. I mean REALLY ratty. They look so awful, I don’t have the heart to post a visual of them. Yep. THAT ratty. 
 It used to kill me to look at those chairs and not go out and purchase a new set, but something stopped me. 
My husband.
Just about every memory he had in our house has been expelled for one perfectly sane reason or another.
If you saw the way he was living, you would agree with me. None of his plates matched, no rhyme or reason to anything he owned and as long as he had a recliner, a piece of meat and his beloved football, he was fine.
He didn’t account for this new wife of his to come in and make the space a place of warmth and safety.
That meant gutting every floor and getting rid of everything that wasn’t nailed down.
I can laugh about it now with him but he wasn’t speaking to me at all for about a week๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
So why did I keep those ratty chairs?  
The wistful look on his face when he wondered if we couldn’t just hang on to them, because they were comfy to him at night when he was tired after a long day at work, it’s where he sat to grade his papers and sometimes watch his beloved Eagles play football.
I love him way more than I despised those ratty chairs and so they remain. For now.
I realized today, my gesture was not lost upon him when he quietly thanked me for leaving his comfy chairs alone.
Lawd Jesus.. my next step is to find someone to re-upholster them before my heart can’t take any more. Did I say they looked good and terrible?
The things we do for love.. and compromise. Some of you may never be caught dead having something so awful looking in your homes and it may not be about some ratty chairs, but more about being aware of what you can do to compromise in relationships that always requires work.
It is so easy to fall into a space of not always considering the thoughts and feelings of the ones we love in an effort to get what we want, but those thoughtful gestures add up to long term goodness in ways we don’t often comprehend.

While our partners are initially drawn to us by something physical they see, they stay by what they see within us over time. They need to know we got their backs when it counts. When we give a little, we gain a lot in return.

Our mates should be a reflection of the value system within us. We attract who we are. Believe that.
Deuces and mad love,

Diva

Unleash the momma!!

My mother is insane ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
I usually call her every morning at 5 a.m. But since one of my siblings is there with them temporarily, I don’t check in as much because said sibling lets us know daily how they are doing. So mommy answers the phone with an attitude and I know I’m about to get it..
Me: well good MORNING Momma!!

Her: uh huh. I was Just saying yesterday how you would call me daily and I can’t hear from you now. Yes I am still alive and no, nothing will be left for you when I die. It all Goes to my grandchildren. 

Me:๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ good thing I wasn’t looking for a thing from you!
She cackles and we get into a great conversation which lead to her telling me that she was going for  her daily walk later on and that she fell because the ridges on the bottom of her sneakers are now smooth.
Dammit.
Me: I know you don’t think you need to buy sneakers until there are holes in them and I’m tired of telling you that we will buy you what you need. So here is what we are going to do- every six months, I will send you a good pair of walking sneakers and you are to throw the other ones away so you can stay safe okay?

Her: yes ma’am!!
See? She gon be a smart butt about it too??
๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ love my momma…  
If you are blessed to have your mother around, please love her until you can’t anymore. Our mother is a wellspring of joy and lessons. She gave up much to raise 4 girls into women while being a wife to our father. I gleaned so much and continues to daily.

While she worries she will be a burden on my siblings and I, she has no clue, how much we clamor to make sure neither her or daddy need a thing. It’s our pleasure to give back to them, a modicum of what they gave to us.
That being said- I’m never to grown to not mind that crazy woman who will smack me if I’m standing close by with a sassy mouth๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
Look at her walking in the dark with my sister right behind her..

She is our entire world… and like she reminded  me

about the hurricane Matthew currently heading to Jamaica, “worrying solves nothing my daughter. Pray and the rest will work itself out.”

That’s my momma..
Deuces and mad love โค๏ธ 

Diva

Why Lawd?

From time to time, I will write about my husband who my friends affectionately know as Mister. He is hilarious, smart as a whip and dense as a bag of nails all wrapped up in one but make no mistake- I adore him for the man that he is and for the woman he fully allows me to be with no judgement.

He has been sick for the last few days and could barely lift his head on Sunday, so I assumed he would call out of work on Monday only to see him pop up and head to work.๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ I was so over him and I have been trying to no avail, to get him to stay home.

Then this happened-

So I’m dressed and heading for the gym and stopped briefly to wave to the infected one before walking out the door..

Him: can you skip the gym today please? The entire heating system for the house is being replaced and they are coming super early because it will take them all day..
Me: excuse you? Skip the gym? And I gotta work today so who is going to be here when I roll out in a couple of hours? My schedule doesn’t allow for babysitting folks working in the house. And why am I just hearing this?
Him: I knew it- I told you months ago, put in on the calendar in your office, asked you to put it in your phone and I knew your schedule for today, which is why I will be back home before 9 so I can be here with them.
Me: so lemme see if I heard you correctly- you wouldn’t take a sick day for your body to heal but took a personal one for the heater? Is you crazy?
Him: there’s no right way to answer that is there? 
Me: ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ
Him: I would kiss your royally pissed face but I am infected after all which is probably best for my soul right now judging by your squinted eyeballs and tense shoulder blades. I love you babe.. I know you were supposed to be  boxing this morning so the next time you go, pretend my face is on your trainers body and knock him out!! You have my permission. There is no need to hold that angst. Show him what you working with!!

๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ I looked at him and roared!! My mister.. Gotta love him…  

Marriage isn’t for punks of the fickle minded.. It’s a ton of work loaded with all kinds of compromise but in our home, we laugh a lot and just don’t take ourselves too seriously.. And when all of that fails, you walk into a gym and take it to your trainer in prayer as evidenced below๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

โ€‹โ€‹
Boxing with Kenny…


Deuces and mad love,

Diva

The “June Bug” and “Snarky” debate

Lord ha mercy. This here election season has been fraught with disbelief, anger, weariness, and yes, hilarity.

Up until 18 months ago, I was floating in the breeze of ” no politics on any of my social media pages,” and then one fateful morning, I saw what looked like June Bug from the ‘hood- you know him right? The dude that ran things with threats, and had no trouble breaking legs etc, to get his way because he owned the streets ย with no mercy or a conscience. That June Bug. ย The thing about June Bug is that he has a loyal following who swears he is the second coming of the ghetto and everything must be approved by his royal wretchedness.

This June Bug though, is running for President.

Of these here United States.


IMAGE CREDIT: Craig’s List Ad of the day

When he first hit the stage with his announcement to run, folks snickered and said he would never be taken seriously because he didn’t have a Clueย and America was smart enoughย to see through his facade. A whole football team of men and one woman all lined up to trounce what they called June Bug the clueless thug, only to realize, much to their dismay, good old JB had a massive following that began emerging from the shadows like thirsty , over looked mummies whose leader had finally arisen. These followers became emboldened by the over-the-top JB who finally opened the gates of no-respectability and allowed the spewing of free speech like never before.
Meanwhile- strange fruit began hanging from the poplar trees across the country. Farmers began screeching that their farms matter and they were being marginalized so they can become extinct. They took to the streets in protest to fight for their rights.


IMAGE CREDT:ย “From the hanging tree to strange fruit”-Susanne Collins
Then there was Snarky. You know that person right? The one who feels it’s their turn to be in charge of the free world and feels they are too super qualified to be overlooked by the masses yet again. After all, snarky had put in her time and played the game and made ย her deals like a savvy politician should. And not to be out done, snarky is also trying to create history. The kind that would make you First Snarky, Senator Snarky , Secrteary of State Snarky and now President. So Snarky began lining up delegates that would persuaadeย people into being with her and touted all her wonderful accomplishments to date.


IMAGE CREDIT: publicdomainpicturesย 

Slight problem. A good majority of folks found Snarky to be untrustworthy because of her ties to certain corporate structures, her less than stellar attitude when questioned about, well, questionable things and she has been caught in a net of lies.

Snarky had a competitor too but she wore him out with her super delegate counts despite what many among the masses asked for. ย What snarky wanted, snarky got and ย she now walks around with a perpetual smirk while ย working harder to connect with the commoners in her wake.

What is a beleaguered ย nation to do?

So here we are, less than 60 days away from choosing a new Commander In Chief, and we settle down for the first debate.

A mess.

A whole stale pot of collard greens kind of ย mess.

June bug threatened to start wars for simple things, does random counting because his estimated wealth is so “bigly”ย he’s always being audited and he was smart to not pay income taxes on millions earned, while he lamented about the horrible infrastructure that NEEDS our tax dollars to work well.
He’s sniffling constantly, didn’t answer a single question appropriately and we are left to wonder What DOES he know and even ย better- who CARED, that had already decided he was their man to make Anerica Great again.
Snarky meanwhile, is asking JB to release his taxes as he hollers back when she releases the thousands of emails she erased, reminded her she was a bigot too for the laws passed by her husband that has led to many strange fruits in prison rotting away, and her desensitized behaviors to the farmers lives matter movement all around her until she was told, she was gonna need the strange fruit votes too..ย 


If this hasn’t begun to sound like utter madness to you yet, the I don’t know what will. ย All this talk about foreign threats when the folks stateside are crying for tax relief, good health insurance, jobs, a decent way to live.
Watching that debacle of a debate only served to remind us that we are all in for a rude awakening- no matter who wins.


And then. This happened. As my friend Mr. Mann Frisby would say, “why sway?” Clearly, Snarky had no real clue who she was or just wasn’t fully moved by the what amounted to the “strange fruit spiritual” in mixed company.

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/mary-j-blige-hillary-clinton-933029

Lawd, Lawdy, Lort.

Start storing those rainy day nuts now- I get the feeling between these two,it might be raining for a long time to come.
Deuces and mad love,

Diva