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The lesson that came in a small package

I tend to hum all day. 

Like seriously. 

It is not unusual for me to break out into some random song because of a word someone said or I just simply make humming sounds as I move about without realizing it.

I know I need help and it amuses Mister to no end,  But stay with me here…
Hubby and I were invited to the birthday party for a one year old cousin and aside from being shell shocked at the amount of babies running or crawling on the floor like human ants, I clearly recognized that we are officially in the “seasoned” category of life, because I was so unable to can with the over stimulation of visuals and sounds in front of me.
My brian cells were not computing what was happening. At all. The baton clearly had been passed to the younger crew who were now popping out babies and starting what we had happily finished years ago. The only thing we desired to do, was babysit and send those human ants with sticky fingers and toes,back to the incubators they called parents.
So there I was writing quietly  in a safe corner and probably humming because out of nowhere, this darling little girl was sitting next to me. What she said next, made me perk up and pay attention..
Her: you can sing!

Me: maybe. Who is asking?😂

Her: sing something for me please?

Me: like what? How about “happy birthday?” I do have one rule though; you must sing it with me. Deal?
She agreed and we began singing softly. I could not believe what came out of that child’s mouth!! She sang soprano like an angel and while I didn’t stop, my mind was clicking as we wrapped up.
Me: How old are you?

Her: eight

Me: my goodness!! Your voice is amazing.. Please keep singing as it is a gift. My husband loves to sing but he sounds like a belting frog on a good day!
She laughed and said with conviction, she was going to become a nurse. I ain’t mad at her. She can do anything she desires.
She was a wonderful example of what is possible when we nurture our children to their best selves.
In that sea of little people, I was able to connect, sing with and learn from one of them.

The lesson here for me?
Never judge a book without at least cracking the cover.  No matter how small it may seem. Inspiration and lessons comes from a word, deed or even a behavior. We miss them when we choose not to see beyond what we tell ourselves. Limiting beliefs lead to limiting attitudes. See the possibilities no matter where you find yourselves.

Deuces and mad love,

Diva

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Lord help this child and me while you are at it..

One of the things my mother would say to me consistently as a teen and more vociferously when I became an adult was this; I PRAY that you are ‘blessed’ with a child who behaves JUST LIKE you!

I used to grin and say to myself ” how bad can it be? I was pretty awesome as a kid.” I was soon to find out just what my mother meant and no matter how many times I apologized to her and God, it seems I had no choice but to re-live my childhood through this second child of mine.

It all began when he was about 81/2 months old… He started learning how to walk after being born premature at 32 weeks and 3lbs. He should have been behind his peers right? Wrong. He would make his way to the refrigerator, open the door, open the egg carton, squeeze the eggs until they crushed in his fingers, close the carton and close the door.
His brother who was 4 years old, got in so much trouble because never could we have imagined it was the baby! Until one day when I turned the corner to the kitchen and caught him in the act..

I called my mother horrified and she cackled, thanked God for small mercies and hung up on me..

It only got better.. He would swing fearlessly from all kinds of things and people would marvel at his tenacity and strength. He would stubbornly tackle the toughest projects even when warned not to, so as a direct result, he and I would constantly butt heads at home.

We live in a community where our ethnicity makes up less than 25% of the population but my kid was not deterred and made friends with everyone. Many of his current friends are of Jewish descent and their parents love him dearly. He has been to more Bat mitzvahs than a few and I consistently hear how delightful and well behaved he is.

So a few years ago when he was around thirteen, he was on punishment at home and instead of allowing him to place the dishes in the dishwasher, I made him hand wash, dry and put them away.

As the tears were quietly rolling down his cheeks and I’m moving around him, he lost his composure and blurted ” I wish I was born Jewish! Those parents are so much nicer than black ones!”
I turned, looked at him and said ” well guess what buddy, you were assigned to be black and more specifically, to be MY child. Suck it up and finish those dishes!”
I went to my bedroom, closed the door and laughed until I cried…all I could think was ” help him lord and me while you are at it so he can grow up unscathed.”

He will be 18 in a few short weeks and heading off to college. We are both still in one piece but I’m going to give him the gift my mama gave me all those years ago; I wish for him, a child JUST like him when the time comes and that I am alive and well
To enjoy what I know for SURE will be his phone calls of apologies..

Enough said.

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The hurtful messages we send…

I recently sat down with a brother I have long admired for his ability to work with all kinds of people, after we ran into each other at a press conference. We decided to have lunch and catch up on our lives which led to the most interesting dialogue about women being targeted by crimes more than ever and the history around it for lack of a better term.

Because we were able to have honest conversations in ways that others may take offense to, I opened the Pandora’s box knowing he would jump right in there with me.
My comment was this: there are more men than ever who feel they have no desire to be protective of women and their reason is, in part, that so many women have been telling them for years, they don’t NEED a man to protect them, pay their bills or open their doors.

Now don’t get me wrong. I totally disagree with this stance but wanted to deconstruct some of the reasoning behind it.

It almost felt to me, that some women have lost the art of honoring the men around no matter what station in life they may be in. Some will even go so far as to not speak to men making under a certain salary.. Who will it harm to be cordial?

My friend agreed men are wired to protect and be a help mate but more women find themselves educated in ways that allows them to feel what, we truly can’t figure out.

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The end result, are men who feel
Women have lost the “soft edges” they have come to love and appreciate. Which then becomes ” they don’t need us so why bother trying to help them?”

Scary scenario when a woman is in trouble and there is no one around willing to stick their necks out and stand up for her.

We then got into the conversation about our own lives and the significant others within. I told him and could see he was surprised, that I had no issues whatsoever being submissive in my home to the one person who would guard me with his very life if needed. I also believe that it is my honoring of who he is, my appreciation of all he does and the willingness to support him in ways others may walk away from, that made him give that love back tenfold.

When I walk out my front door and it is time for business, then it’s game on. There is a time and a place for everything and I believe some of us don’t know when to shut certain things off in an effort to be seen as tough or no nonsense all the time.

I also make the conscious effort, to be cordial and respectful to the men I run into in my daily interactions. I may not always agree with them but would not deliberately make them feel less than a man to prove a point or make myself feel better.

My friend believes and I agree, that we need to sit at the table and have these honest conversations between men and women in a way that is constructive and yields results.

Until then, women will continue to be seen as expendable by those who feel we are worth less than nothing or we are fair game in this world.

There are some vile people in our midst, so please do not mistake this blog to mean trust everyone. Use Common sense and your intuition, to remain safe from predators and sociopaths.

Mothers play a serious role in all of this too so the next time you are angry with a man, please, try not to cuss about what he can’t do for you and demean him in front of the children . The message it sends to boys and girls are different, but equally destructive.

Let us work hard to be kind and see just how much of it is returned even in the worst circumstances. If I can get a perfect stranger to give up his seat, treat me like a lady and stop cursing in my presence with a simple look and a smile, you can too.
In lifting our men up, we lift ourselves up…

Enough said.