Category Archives: laughter

The unselfishness of it all..

So my husband and I spent 10 blissful days in Hawaii over the holidays to not only rejuvenate our souls, but to shore up and reconnect as a couple because our collective work schedules can be brutal.

We often would carve out Saturday mornings for our weekly catch up if I am not traveling and we work as one vibrational team,  which means we pick up where the other isn’t able to in the moment. So imagine my shock when he sat me down after watching me frolick in warm waters at sunset in Honolulu … and what he said, made me take a pause for the cause.

He said his greatest WISH when we first got married, was to NOT move me into his current home because it needed all kinds of TLC (he ain’t NEVA lied) and he knew I had lived in this great place for over 25 years raising my own two children. Frankly, he said he was embarrassed and just wanted to do a quick sale, move on to a place of my choosing and start anew with another  mortgage.

He was shocked he said, when I looked him dead in the eyes, told him it made NO sense to start another mortgage at our ages and while the house needed a ton of work, I was willing to put in the time, energy and money with him to get it done.

He said I shocked him FURTHER when he offered to at least upgrade my car and I cackled with a thanks and said I would much prefer to keep the one that is already paid in full.

I am silently listening to all of this with my heart full because I truly loved him enough to get in the trenches with him and didn’t realize he struggled with what I opted to do.

He then said that he had never seen that kind of unselfishness and that many other women would have taken him up on the offer to move pronto with their nostrils turned up. It was that unselfishness however that solidified his love in a way that made him say if anyone dares to hurt me, he would take action in ways that would stun them because no way was he jeopardizing what we have built together.

Our home isn’t just beautiful to LOOK at now, it’s also filled with warmth and LOVE. These things are important.  Flashy things bring temporary joy- it’s who we are at the core that matters.

When we say we care about someone, it should not come with a bunch of superficial conditions. Rather, we should  work together as a team to reach where we desire to be together and if the core of our love depends on where we live, the square footage of our Homes and what we drive, it’s only a matter of time before the cracks begin to show.

If we want a full manifestation of goodness and light, we have to be it in all we say and do. If and when my husband and I decide to move from where we are currently, it will be a decision we make together and not for the benefit of anyone whims or fancy. Because at the end of the day? All we TRULY have to depend on? Is that core love we walked in the door with. We know enough to understand that life is cyclical and when hard times come, without the core in place, trouble is not far behind.
I love my nerd y’all. Believe that.

Dueces and mad love,

DivA

Squatty potty 

So  I think my husband is over me. But I swear, I am slowly becoming my fathers child with embracing all that is natural for our human bodies.
In that order, I quietly got this thing below and when it came yesterday and I removed it from the box, he looked at me like 😳😳😳

What is it you ask? 

It’s called a squatty potty.

You simply put it at the based of your potty and hoist your legs to use it as you handle your necessary business.

I gently explained the instructions were on it and only western civilization embraces sitting the other way which leads to colon cancers and blockages.  

Again he looked at me like I lost my marbles but undaunted, I set it up in the bathroom.

This morning after taking his shower, he says to me, “my darling wife, I love you with all my heart but I cannot get my legs high enough to use that contraption, so I guess I’m going to stay uncivilized and do this the regular way.”

I looked at his pitiful face and cracked up!! The squatty potty is the absolute truth people. We eat so much of the wrong things and our intestines can’t fully rid itself of the excess as it should.

As a child growing up in the islands, I used to marvel when I would visit family in the rural areas and watch as the squatted with ease to relive themselves… they stayed thin too and I didn’t realize that was the natural order of things.

We often scoff at what we don’t know but opening our minds could save our lives. Literally.
Go forth.
Dueces and mad love,

DivA

Good Googa Uber!!

So I had to get an Uber for several Days  in a row and I have come to the conclusion that many of those drivers listen to people confessing their souls while giving up a few confessions of their own

Chile listen… it ran from the ridiculous to the scary but this one dude made me gasp, smile and shake my head all at once.. 

When he got to my door and saw my infirmities, he hopped out his car, got my crutches and bags and was just wonderful in a way that told me he was special. His Hat was on backwards and when I got in his car, I noticed the back of his seat was almost reclined to a sleeping position.

He slid in and sat up with his seat just that way. I didn’t question because I have seen it way too much with young guys driving around in Philly.. they will keep chiropractors in business with that mess but I digress..

After asking if he could call me Miss Andrea and my answering in the affirmative, he proceeded to tell me that he was originally from Ohio but was transplanted to Reading at a young age and after feeling like he had too few opportunities, he moved here after meeting a young lady online and had been here in Philly now for a few months.

As he shared his life story, he said “you know, people judged and asked why I was making these moves and taking these risks and I told them I am the author of my book. I didn’t ask for editors and I am writing the story the way I see fit.” I damn near high fived the back of his head for those profound words of wisdom!

He went on to say,  he was filled with nuggets but had a hard time taking his own advice.

Then it got real. 

He said he would always choose women for their bodies and what was between their legs instead of what was between their ears and that he realized he was choosing Shallow intimacy over substance because he didn’t want to put in the work it required to have a good relationship.

He is so into this new woman who, from all accounts is so smart, he wonders Why she is with him, that he made a pact to NOT have intimacy with her for a year. He is coming to the end of that year and swears he loves and appreciates her all the more because they spent time learning about each other and doing things beyond the bedroom. 

Well I’ll be. 

His lesson and the way he chose to go about changing his habits, showed up this way and who am I to judge?  He truly believes in the power of intention, following ones passion and hard work, after he met the owner of a Car dealership while being his waiter and the owner found him to be so personable, he offered to train and hire him to sell cars.

He went from making $7 an hour to 60k per year AND he Ubers on his days off! I love it!!

The tenacity of the human spirit is something else. 

When we got to my destination, he took my stuff to the door of the building, shook my hands, thanked me for listening and odd he went.

I learned so much from him, not the least of which is to not stay stuck in your circumstances and to take bold leaps even if you can’t see where you will land.

We don’t get to judge people in their journey because it’s different from our own- our oath is simply that. Ours.
Dueces and mad love.

DivA

He tried it… yes he did…

When my brain is full, I take comfort in finding the places that bring joy to my weary soul in an effort to rejuvenate myself.

Today that place was the Rangoon, which is still the only Burmese restaurant in Pennsylvania. Go figure. But the food? Made from scratch and is sinfully good.

So there I entered with my lunch companion, who roared when the owner chirped out my name in a warm welcome, said she missed seeing more of me and told me which friends of mine had been in recently! 

It’s like that.

 I told her I would be celebrating my birthday with her food in a few short weeks and no less than 10 of us would be there to liven up the place. She giggled and my friend and I settled down to eat.

Here is where it got interesting.
A brother came rushing through the doors, dropped his jacket at the table next to ours, ran over to the owner and began ordering food. He began with. “I will have 2 L9’s, a soup and two of the chicken and broccoli dish!”

It took me a minute to realize he was eating in because he seemed to be in such a rush and of course, I had to mess with him. 

You had a doubt?

He shared he has been visiting the restaurant for almost 20 years to my 14, and it’s one of his favorite places to eat. He was so personable, we kept chatting until his woman walked through the door. We said hello to her and went back to our respective lunches until my dishes showed up and his woman got my attention and asked what was I eating.

I looked at him and said. “Wait a minute. YOU have been coming here for 20 years and haven’t tried any  of the things in front of me? Dude, you killing me!”

He laughed and replied no,  so I promptly scooped a little from each of my dishes  she was curious about and put it on her plate to try and while telling him he didn’t deserve any for slacking like this!😂😂
Of course, she loved it and I admonished him to stretch himself beyond the one dish he had been eating for 20 years and actually ask for a menu and allow his lady to choose next time.

Can you imagine? All those delightful dishes and he stuck with one. For 2 decades. I ain’t never heard of such!

I ear hustled as I ate and learned she was frustrated with his flirting and crossing the line with some women they both knew and he became squirmy when the topic of his phone and texts came up.

Lord. A player from the Himalayas. 

Limited in menu choices and thinking too, I guess. He so needed another brother or person to sit and discuss a few things with him about life and choices because we could tell he didn’t have the right tools to deal with what was in front of him and that sister looked like she was at the end of her rope.
I don’t know what happened after they left, but I learned a lesson about really meeting people where they are. It was enough for him yo have discovered this place that he never thought to go beyond what he was comfortable with. I believe after his encounter with us though, he may change his choices next time around.

My lunch partner and I looked at each other and cracked up because we could see our husbands at his age probably doing some of the same things..

Whew Chile.. every day is an opportunity grow and learn should we choose to expand our minds. The alternative isn’t always pretty.
Dueces and mad love,

DivA

The way THESE eggs are set up…

What a week this has been. I am still recovering from Hosting Thanksgiving dinner in our home and all the shenanigans of love that took place within.

My husband was feeling especially mushy for some inexplicable reason and at one point, sat on the porch with me saying how grateful he was for us. I reminded him we had guests after telling him I was grateful for his love too and so as we walked back into the confines of the house, he says from behind me to the entire family, “we have news to share, Andrea is having a baby.”

I kept walking to the kitchen as his crazy family members clapped in glee and without turning around I replied ” what the hell is wrong with you?”

He cracked up and told them he was playing and I thought that was the end of it.

Later on that night, I learned from his mother that she would not be opposed to us having a child and in fact, she was looking forward to it.

Now see here. 

Did they forget I was a clapback of 50? 

When I reminded them of my not so tender years, I heard ” Janet Jackson is 51 and she’s doing it!”

Ummm… my name ain’t Janet. It ain’t Jackson if you nasty either. Not to mention I am sane enough to know these eggs have done their final drop some two score and plenty years ago and they fitting to scramble and retire for good in these Fallopian tubes. And I have an excellent retirement plan called menopause awaiting their arrival

Chile no.

I spoke about it at length with my husband this morning and it seems he seriously has been thinking about it.  I refrained from asking him to get his brain checked as we are now grandparents and instead worked hard to see and connect with his sentiments.

He agreed the baby-ship has sailed  for us once I laid out the facts but was happy I heard him out.
Lawd have mercy.. 

Men should be able to get pregnant. I bet you it would alleviate some of this baby talk. Women aren’t toaster ovens who pop out little humans on cue. This is a lifetime thing and honey, our “baby” will be 21 in 3 months and seeking to live abroad once he finishes college.

I seee the horizon and it has no wailing babies that I can’t send back to its parents in it.

Hell does indeed go with no.

Dueces and mad love,

DivA

And we STILL don’t do this enough.. to our own detriment..

On the advice of my wayward friends, I decided to skip “adulting” today after what was a long and stressful week and not being able to detach myself from the bed no matter how hard I tried this morning.

That is a sign from my body that I am overdue. So I made a few calls, plotted out the adult feee day and off I went to run the first errand.

As I walked to the cash register to pay for my items, I noticed the cayutest  wine rack on sale that I could use to store the bottles I have at home and got excited until I noticed the thing needed some assembly. 

Sitting beside the boxes however was an already assembled one so I turned on my biggest smile, flipped around , set my sights on a sales associate, and sweetly beckoned her nigh my dwelling.

Me: morning lady. Do you think I could buy the already assembled rack pretty please? I don’t have time to assemble anything before the holidays and I need this badly.

Her: morning sis. Hold on and let me ask for you. 
She ambles over to the boss, asked, he looked at me grinning with puppy eyes and said yes!! Praise Gawd!!

The lady came back and helped me put it in a cart and I couldn’t thank her enough!

Me: you rock! I so appreciate your helping me to get this!

Her: real talk lady? It was YOUR kindness that made me go the extra mile  for you. We never give away our displays unless it’s the last one and so many customers have such entitlements when they ask for something, I shrug my shoulders and wish them good luck in getting it with their nasty attitudes.
And just like that, she affirmed the lesson my mother taught me as a child- kindness will open doors all the money in the world won’t with a nasty attitude.
I took my purchases and skipped out the door!! 

Now, should I make my husband believe I worked hard and  put it together or tell him the truth?😂😂😂

I may have to mull on that one.. ha!!
Dueces and mad love,

DivA.

The bullet I dodged..

So mister must have sensed I had taken a small break at work because he called and asked if I had a few minutes to chat.Me: sure, what’s up?

Him: If you knew all the things you know about me now, would you have still married me?
Me: *dramatic pause* I mean… in hindsight, I am glad we never lived together or shared bills before we got married because I was spared the delightfulness known as shock-to-the- brain. 😂 It makes sense now, why some of your family wondered about me because I get Things done no matter what IT is AND with alacrity. You are content to just mosey along with not a care in the world unless its robotic in nature.

Him: hey, I was attuned enough to know you deserved to be loved in a most special way and I was just the guy to do it. So do I get points for that? 😏

Me: jackpot baby. Yes you do.

So the answer to your original question is NO, I would not have married you because I would have been nuts and trying to “fix” stuff which have led to my feeling hopeless and not feeling forever and a damn day.That was NOT my role as your girlfriend but it is as your wife and I am happy to stand right beside you. You are a kind, decent and happy sloth. I love you for so much more beyond that though and dating you for five years helped me to appreciate the total package that is you.

I think he breathed a sigh of relief as he got off the phone to resume teaching😂😂 I ain’t going nowhere and I am eternally grateful he accepted me just as I am too. 

Our commonalities are greater than our differences and I wish more among us would take on and appreciate the art of dating before getting married instead of the alternative, only to realize you don’t like the creature you hitched yourself to.

And ladies- kill the mother instincts and slow down on trying to fix  our partners. If we were all Perfect people, what would we have to fuss about? A tiny bit of acceptance and understanding goes a long way.

Trust me on this.
Dueces and mad love 

DivA

When your “petty” messes with growth and your coins..

 After witnessing something a few weeks ago, I am writing about self confessed petty people and where the thin line exists between funny and ” something ain’t QUITE right with you.”

So my friend Mister Mann Frisby comes to mind. Dude has a Phd in All things petty. He could and probably does make a decent living, throwing all kinds of shade and no one is off limits when he revs up the petty engines.

I simply refuse to be caught eating or drinking when I read his posts because I have had to clean up too many spills from guffawing at his foolishness. If you don’t know him personally, one would think dude was nuts. Wait. He IS nuts!! Chile you must trust me on this.

What is stark about Mister though?

 When you meet him, you see he is a kindhearted  and thoughtful cat, whose aura reeks off the chain love and light. I don’t even know if he realizes that. Not one of us are perfect folks but at his core, he wants what is best for those around him. As a result, no matter what he is promoting, I’m open to supporting his crazy behind and I often do.
Now.
There is another person that many of you love and revere for a similar brand  of pettiness and said person has had us all rolling with tears streaming down our faces, as we read their hilarious take on life in general. 

I was stunned when I finally had a chance to meet this personality and their  aura blew me back at the way they dealt with the public who will either continue to support or start to pull back because the petty on paper, is superimposed in real life and you realize standing in front of you,  is a human being who truly isn’t a nice person. They say the eyes are the windows to our soul and this Chile got some unresolved issues bubbling there.

When our livelihood depends on the very folks we are purportedly entertaining, it behooves us to do our own spiritual work to wellness or we will become a toxic dumping ground to anyone in our presence. Which then leads to disappointment and failures because no one will pay you money over and again to be emotionally wrung or abused. That ain’t funny. No matter what spin you put on it.

But hey- you don’t have to take my word for it. Do you. Experience is STILL the best teacher  around.
Dueces and mad love 

Diva 

Featured image is from the pettymuseum.org

The Five Second Rule…

Mister and I share and banter with each other like no other as evidenced below. I posted this conversation  on my facebook page last year…..

So I’m fussing at hubby about making up the bed if he leaves the house after me and was winding up to give my reasons why when he walked over and lifted both my arms..

Me: what are you doing?
Him: looking for the “return” sticker. I know you have one some where. I signed a money back guarantee for you.
😳😳😳😳😳
The look on my face made him drop my arms and laugh so hard, I cracked up too despite myself…😂😂😂😂

It ain’t THAT easy to return me buddy…

Every single day, we go back and forth and howl with laughter because we so appreciate the genuineness we share with each other.

We also have this steadfast rule that we chat on Saturday mornings before the world is awake and get caught up on our week. His days are 16 hours long and one would be hard pressed to catch me this side of the continent as I travel around for work.

Stay with me because this is good.

After reading an article this morning, I turned to him and asked if he believes men should be the one to approach women and not the other way around. He paused and replied “we should never paint a broad brush over anyone or anything. It’s nice for us men to go seeking what we desire but it is equally nice to be desired ourselves. I think it’s okay for a woman to show interest if she has it.”

“That is interesting and I am so glad I asked you. So what makes it difficult for men when the like a woman?” I asked.

“When they are deliberately coy and play hard to get to the point where we turn the corner and get someone else. It should not feel that difficult.” 

He shifted and looked at me and began to remind me how we met. He remembered key things like what I was wearing, what I said to the audience in the room but he was more struck by my authenticity and kindness to the people around me and wanted to know me better.

We cackled and howled to the blue corn moon when he said for a whole week in 2015 he simply did not like me for purging the house and throwing away everything.

We got to reminiscing when he shared about the one week we didn’t speak very early on in our relationship because we were upset with each other and he said it felt like the longest week of his life. He knew without a doubt then, he was going to figure out how to get me to marry him. I confessed I missed him horribly too.

He shared he cried for almost an hour on our wedding night because he was so filled with gratitude to finally have a wife who he could share everything with and would love him no matter what. He said he prayed hard for this to happen but when it did, he couldn’t fully express his happiness and it came out in tears.

We spoke about these misnomers floating around that people follow instead of their own soul which is why unhappiness abounds.

He took my hand and said  “do you know why we have not once had a full blown argument about anything? I believe in the 5 second rule. If we take time to process things and not allow our emotions to spew negativity, anything is workable. I love you enough to never scream at you and I am certainly not going to lob obscenities your way. Not only would you not hear the message that would be lost in the screaming, It’s disrespectful to you and us as a couple. You are everything to me even when I drive you nuts.”

Lord Jesus. Did I say I love him?  If  more couples would talk things through, we could all deal with the crap life throws our way. My husband and I have had our fair share but he always reminds me that at the end of the day, we are it and he will die protecting what he prayed so hard for.

Now.

When you are able to feel a love like this, what does one do but return it?

I can’t ever tell anyone who they should choose but what I can say is this- see beneath the outer package and look at the heart and soul. Too many well dressed, well packaged empty souls are walking among us that can do untold damage if we aren’t careful.
Dueces and mad love 

Diva

I swear there’s an elixir in this thing…

Today started out beautifully and simply got better. So by the time mid afternoon rolled around and I realized I was through working for the day, I gave myself permission to slow down and find the market to get a few things.

As I was pushing the cart and humming down the aisle, two African American women approached and complimented what they believed was my flawless complexion. I stopped dead in my tracks grinned and hugged the hell out of them for being so kind! 😂😂

One asked what kind of foundation was I wearing and I sheepishly said none to which they both looked at me like I was being “extra” so I invited them to touch my face for themselves. They damn near fell over when I said I didn’t wear makeup much until 2 years ago AND I usually wear lipstick and mascara only when I do.

I was asked what Elixir I used to maintain such a glow and my simple reply was this-

Kindness.

Nothing more, nothing less.

I find that when I practice gratitude daily along with doing random acts of kindness, I get such a good feeling inside and it puts me in a space of contentment that no person could ever give me.

We waste so much time looking for someone to make us happy when the truth is, we are the only ones responsible for our joys as they come within and is a state of mind.

When those women learned I was 20 years past 30, they held unto their carts and began asking what I ate. I giggled and began describing my father in earnest who believes everything we eat should come from the earth but told them I still believed an attitude of gratitude is my  fountain of youth.

As I bid them both adieu, a gentleman walked up with his wife and complimented my skin too.. I looked at her, she agreed with him and asked what was I doing to look this way..

Here we go again…. I wish I could bottle up what I know truly works and give it away. 

Life is so filled with challenges and sometimes they are painful to go through but on the other side of that pain is a new start.
In the meantime though, I’m going to keep practicing what I know works..

Dueces and mad love,

Diva