Category Archives: huffington post

Disappointed much?

So check it out-

I wrote a post on social media recently about folks who are so uber sensitive, that the minute they feel criticized- earned or not, they fall apart.

My little millennial friend, read that post, and immediately asked me to write a blog and go more in-depth.

So here goes- unless you are experiencing serious mental illness shrouded in severe anxiety, being criticized, should in no way, make you crumble to dust.

Aside from the impossibility that everyone will agree with you, criticism, can and should be beneficial to your growth in some small way. Not everyone is a “hater” and it behooves you to distinguish between lessons and hatefulness.

I swear this phenomenon of people crumbling, came from not being taught critical thinking skills and having every problem solved as a child.

What emerges, is an adult, who never wants to be disagreed with and also wants the discussion coached in flowers and honey.

Hello.

Real world does NOT operate as such. If you are bringing all your thoughts, feelings and values, chances are high, (read yes) that the person/s you are speaking with does too.

Take some time to breathe, ask yourself questions such as, “why am l so offended?” Or “what am l to learn from this?”

Emotion has a valuable place in our lives but it should never be allowed to overrule our logic. That is a recipe for being overly sensitive and no growth takes place in that mushroom of tears and bellyaching.

Buckle up. Lift that chin. Feel the angst, work it through either alone, or with solid advice, and move on.

Because life, has zero issues with moving on without you.

Peace and mad love,

Diva

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This Can’t be life…

See this face?

This is the face of a woman, who awakened with a start, looked at her phone, and realized she was getting some weird message to update her payment information, because her icloud something-or other, failed to process.

Not sure how her account is overdrawn, she quickly slips on a pair of grey yoga pants, a red tank top, a pink jacket and then donned orange striped flats to zoom out the door to the bank.

She knows she looks crazy but simply didn’t care. She gets to the bank and in the middle of transferring funds, it dawns on her, she could have done all of this online and she throws up her hands at her foolishness, which draws the attention of the bank manage.

“Whats the matter? You seem out of sorts.”

This woman looks the manager dead in the eyes and says one word-

Menopause.

Thus began a conversation between them both about all the radical changes happening in their bodies.

In the middle of the bank.

This has been my life in recent months and l am only now speaking about it, because, well, it needs to be done.

I assumed menopause would be simply hot flashes and calcium deficiencies.

Oh were it that simple. I am teary for no reason. Feeling overwhelmed and second guessing things l would plow right through.

My body LITERALLY aches like l have been lifting weights non-stop for years. I am easily irritated. Total loss of appetite.

It scared me.

I called my momma, and while l dissolved into tears explaining that l was going crazy, she gently said, it was menopause and began quietly guiding me to speak with my doctor, run some tests and get on a treatment plan that will help me to navigate these unknown waters until the symptoms subside, which could take a while.

Its nice to know l have not totally lost my cotton picking mind. Not yet any way. But this can’t be life forever because the world will not survive with me like this!

But hear me- there are legions of women navigating through their days with not a hair out of place and battling the symptoms that emerge with this new phase of our lives. It is different for each one with some similarities, but have mercy on us, if we do not seen like our normal selves on any given day.

This thing is a beast.

So if you see me out in the streets looking crazy, give me a hug and point me in the right direction. I probably will need it.

Deuces and mad love,

Diva

SPEAK UP MUCH?

I have a mentee that will periodically text me about a subject matter she wants to see addressed and the second I saw her note this morning, I knew I would be right here writing about it..

Buckle up and hold on..

In recent weeks, I found myself traveling and commiserating with folks from around the country and in usual form, I am open, kind and share my thoughts as needed. Well the one evening, we had to all get in formal wear  for an event and the minute I strolled through the door, my friend saw one of the attendees throwing all kinds of “shade”  my way by rolling her eyes and whispering something to the person next to her.  I didn’t see her because I have learned how to block that kind of negativity from my line of vision.

I knew what her issue was  though.

Name Every -ism women face, and she had me pegged for it. My boldness and bravery made her feel inadequate and she then tried to transfer that feeling to ripping me to shreds with condescension. She didn’t realize that though. She thought she was within her rights to be judgmental.

How do I know this? It is what I am told by women all the time who often try to coach it around offering “advice.”
Aside from this being a total waste of energy and space, it is counterproductive to fall in line with them so they can feel better about themselves.

My response? Maybe if we were not so conditioned as women to “know our places,” not be “overly confident” for fear of being seen as bragging, or being labeled as “bitchy” when we dare to speak up for ourselves, we would see the benefits in speaking up and out.

As a direct result, women often lose sleep about demanding a position they are clearly over qualified for,suffer heartburn at the thought of requesting compensation that befits their value, minimizing the ones who step out on the ledge in an effort to find financial freedom and seeking to destroy the few who dare to do what they won’t.

I can’t even begin to discuss how it messes with personal relationships across the board. We hold on and fester about things we can and should discuss, until it becomes toxic and explodes the wrong way from us.

What do you have to lose but your sanity in trying to fit in to what society deems we should or shouldn’t be? Here are a few things that worked for me in removing the “do as I told ” models from my head-

  1. Speak your truth kindly but firmly and do not waver with eye contact. Prep yourself with calming deep breaths.
  2. Trust yourself. No one will trust you more than you. Your gut instincts are there for a reason.
  3. Be okay with not having a ton of fearless people with you as this is often a singular journey of faith.
  4. Celebrate the wins and extract the lessons from the losses.
  5. Keep the naysayers out of your ears. Lord knows they will try too. People who worry about all that could go wrong, never see what could indeed go right.
  6. Find mentors who have already walked the path you are on and heed the advice that feels right to you.
  7. Authenticity is worth more than silver and gold. You may not be appreciated on the moment, but you will be respected long term.
  8. Know when to step up and pull back. Everything doesn’t always have to be a battle.
  9. Collaboration works wonders. No one is an island. Learn to be okay with saying “I was wrong.” Pride goeth before….

All of that and a few more will give you the freedoms and joy to simply BE..
Dueces and mad love.

DivA

Outdated in a 10 second society..

I can’t STAND shopping. I despise Shopping malls even more. Yes, I am indeed a girl, and yes, the statement above probably makes me an anomaly, but there it is.

So imagine how I broke out in hives at the mere  THOUGHT of having to enter a mall recently and here is the culprit- my FIRST generation IPad that I was hoping to get “tuned” up because it was acting sluggish.

.

The poor Apple tech looked at me like I was crazy and informed me slowly and gently, that my machine was just OLD.
So old in fact, that it wasn’t compatible with the new micro processors they are currently using and all she could suggest was that I give the thing a proper burial or hold on to it for posterity sake.

As I looked on lovingly at my device and then at her young and chirpy face, I suddenly felt old too and wondered if as I aged, I would become disposable like so many of the elderly around us.
Here is the deal- we all eventually slow down and while our memory may not continue process at the speed of sound,  there is a definite amount of wisdom that comes from living to a certain phase in life that many could tap into with loads of benefits. History and it’s contextual meaning serves a purpose that will help us to garner lessons and avoid certain pitfalls. That comes from the folks who lived long enough to recount what books and historians don’t always capture.

Not only that, we could practice patience and empathy and kindness when dealing with the seasoned members of our society because one day, should we be so lucky to live a life of length, we too will need it.

So as I snapped back to miss chirpy in the Apple Store describing the newest machine and the slice of my liver it would cost to upgrade, I chose to hold on to my ancient  device until it decides it has had enough of me.

It’s the least I could do. Don’t judge me. Just smile and cluck at my sentimentality and wish me and my outdated machine well.
Dueces and mad love,

DivA.