Category Archives: Forever Valentine
One of the millennials I simply adore, texted recently and made the suggestion that I should blog about why men lie, and after chuckling to myself, I immediately called the first person I ask everything- Mister.
I knew he wasn’t going to be ready but when is he ever? I’m like that kid who asks a thousand questions from the time I wake up until I fall asleep- I was born inquisitive much to his everlasting consternation but it’s part of the package he signed up for.
So I called him with a soft and sweet greeting to get his guard down and pounced before he could take a good breath.
Me: babe, why do men lie?
Him: *deep deflated resigned sigh* because it’s often easier than telling the truth.
I gave the phone my deepest side eye but kept my voice on an even keel because the poor man hasn’t done a thing wrong but here I was asking him to explain men in general everywhere.
Me: that’s it? It doesn’t go beyond that? Why does it seem so easy for guys to lie?
Him: babe, because it’s you and I know we can talk about everything, the truth is really what I said above.
Me: what causes the breakdown that leads to the lies? What are we missing? Do men usually leave their wives for other women or is that a myth?
Him: when men lie about cheating, it’s often because someone excited them or gave them something different from the norm at home. The intention is to never leave the woman they are with because he loves her. He Just wanted some variation. But that comes from not communicating wants or needs in a way that both parties hear.
Me: then why get married or be in a relationship if you know you can’t be faithful? Why not just hang out then?
Him: babe no one in their right mind spends that kind of money to get married thinking they will divorce. It all comes back to respecting each other, and I cannot over emphasize communication.
Me: why did YOU get married AFTER all that time of being single? you certainly had enough hoochie mamas waiting in the wings judging by the side eyes I get from Some of them when we run into friends of yours🙄
Him: simple. I met the ONE Person who I immediately wanted to give up any vices for. The one woman who I would throw away everything for to see a smile on her face, the one woman who made my heart happy just thinking about her, the one woman who I would share anything with, the one woman who is a daily reminder that I am a blessed man and to never forget it. That is the FIRST time in my many years in earth, I felt this way fully about any woman.
Me: wow. So you don’t lie to me?
Him: I tried lying a few times about stupid things like putting stuff in its right place but it seems you knows me better than I know myself and those blazing eyes of yours told me to quit before it was too late😂😂
Which brings me back to men lying to keep the peace. It doesn’t come from a malicious place.
Me: good lord.
Him: men KNOW babe, if a woman is someone he can see long term or if she is just isn’t. We of course don’t tell her that because it’s fun while it lasts.
Me: so what if a woman lies about cheating etcetera- does the double standard applies?
Him: yup. A man is a playboy, the woman is a whore. Men are ultra sensitive about their women being with anyone else.
Me: well I’m more confused than ever.
Him: don’t be. It really just boils down to this- we were conditioned as boys to not hurt your feelings and so we learned to lie so you could always feel good. By the time we became adults, we polished those lies to perfection to keep the peace and we are still horrible at it because we inevitably get sloppy and get caught. When we love you- fully love you- we resist the temptations and urges to be anywhere else but our mates. Women are Wily too.. Do you know how many times I have seen married women in relationships with other men? It’s an alphabet soup of cheating out here. Bottom line? The propensity is there for us to all lie. It’s called being human.
Open communication keeps that madness away but we get caught up in life, stop talking and then, well, we lie.
My Mister- always open to the deep conversations. If this didn’t answer the age old question of why men lie, lay down, take 2 common sense pills and chase it down with mature water and call me in the morning..
Deuces and mad love,
Today, six years ago, I went on my very 1st date with the man I had been friends with for 5 years prior..
How that happened was fate because he called me on Valentine’s Day to ask who was my ‘hot date’and was shocked when I replied no one.
According to him, he took a huge risk when he offered to take me to breakfast the next day since it was President’s day and he also wanted to see the new car I had bought all on my own.. He was shocked when I said “sure!”
And so began our journey.. We met at Michaels restaurant and spent over an hour laughing with each other. The change happened when I got up to use the ladies room and was pulling my shirt down over my jeans and heard him say ” don’t pull it down. I like what I see.” I spun around in shock because not ONCE in five years had he ever made a pass at me and I asked him to repeat what he said to which he replied ” you heard me.”
I blushed and went on about my business but the wheels began turning in my head at that point. When we got back to my car, he retrieved a bag and handed it to me. There were chocolates with hearts, a mug with hearts, pencils with hearts and this cutie right here
It was a wrap after that.
Our journey for the next three years was loaded with honest communication, ( like seriously) all kinds of road trips and flights to the unknown, lots of laughter and some tears. We spent our 3rd anniversary in Chicago climbing out on glass ledges at the Sears building, exploring the city and food and having dinner on the 96th floor where he first broached the subject of marriage to me.
It simply felt like the right thing to do and I told him I would consider it. On July 4th of that year, without telling me what he was up to, he told told his entire family he was going to marry me.
I was stunned but it’s one of the things I love about him. He is a man in every sense of the word. Kind, honest, generous, not an ounce of pretense.
If you have been following our journey, you already know two years later in June 2015, on the island of Puerto Rico, we got married at Sunset.
To say I love him? Gross understatement. We have been husband and wife for 8 months and it’s been a journey filled with everything imaginable. So when my oldest son had a medical emergency last week when I was on my way home from Louisiana and had to divert flights to him, my husband not only understood, he booked a flight home for me and when I got to the airport, I learned it was in first class.
I literally stood at the counter in shock and when I was seated and served a full breakfast on real dishes with silverware and was given a hot towel while my tea was constantly replenished, I was finally able to fully exhale after a long week and catch a nap after I thanked God for blessing me over and again.
My husband knew, without my saying a word, what I needed and this was my very first time flying 1st class. I could get accustomed to this😜😜
The view from my plane spoke volumes and So today, on our 11th year of knowing each other, our 6th year of our very first date, it’s my turn to treat him.. Stay tuned..
As you can see, I kept ” Hot stuff” too and he will remain in our lives…I love and appreciate my husband. More than you will ever know.
Oh by the way? He said he knew immediately on that first date, he was going to marry me. He just had to work out the minor detail of convincing me it would be a good thing. His actions spoke volumes which is why I’m his very happy wife today.