Category Archives: family

Squatty pottyΒ 

So  I think my husband is over me. But I swear, I am slowly becoming my fathers child with embracing all that is natural for our human bodies.
In that order, I quietly got this thing below and when it came yesterday and I removed it from the box, he looked at me like 😳😳😳

What is it you ask? 

It’s called a squatty potty.

You simply put it at the based of your potty and hoist your legs to use it as you handle your necessary business.

I gently explained the instructions were on it and only western civilization embraces sitting the other way which leads to colon cancers and blockages.  

Again he looked at me like I lost my marbles but undaunted, I set it up in the bathroom.

This morning after taking his shower, he says to me, “my darling wife, I love you with all my heart but I cannot get my legs high enough to use that contraption, so I guess I’m going to stay uncivilized and do this the regular way.”

I looked at his pitiful face and cracked up!! The squatty potty is the absolute truth people. We eat so much of the wrong things and our intestines can’t fully rid itself of the excess as it should.

As a child growing up in the islands, I used to marvel when I would visit family in the rural areas and watch as the squatted with ease to relive themselves… they stayed thin too and I didn’t realize that was the natural order of things.

We often scoff at what we don’t know but opening our minds could save our lives. Literally.
Go forth.
Dueces and mad love,

DivA

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The way THESE eggs are set up…

What a week this has been. I am still recovering from Hosting Thanksgiving dinner in our home and all the shenanigans of love that took place within.

My husband was feeling especially mushy for some inexplicable reason and at one point, sat on the porch with me saying how grateful he was for us. I reminded him we had guests after telling him I was grateful for his love too and so as we walked back into the confines of the house, he says from behind me to the entire family, “we have news to share, Andrea is having a baby.”

I kept walking to the kitchen as his crazy family members clapped in glee and without turning around I replied ” what the hell is wrong with you?”

He cracked up and told them he was playing and I thought that was the end of it.

Later on that night, I learned from his mother that she would not be opposed to us having a child and in fact, she was looking forward to it.

Now see here. 

Did they forget I was a clapback of 50? 

When I reminded them of my not so tender years, I heard ” Janet Jackson is 51 and she’s doing it!”

Ummm… my name ain’t Janet. It ain’t Jackson if you nasty either. Not to mention I am sane enough to know these eggs have done their final drop some two score and plenty years ago and they fitting to scramble and retire for good in these Fallopian tubes. And I have an excellent retirement plan called menopause awaiting their arrival

Chile no.

I spoke about it at length with my husband this morning and it seems he seriously has been thinking about it.  I refrained from asking him to get his brain checked as we are now grandparents and instead worked hard to see and connect with his sentiments.

He agreed the baby-ship has sailed  for us once I laid out the facts but was happy I heard him out.
Lawd have mercy.. 

Men should be able to get pregnant. I bet you it would alleviate some of this baby talk. Women aren’t toaster ovens who pop out little humans on cue. This is a lifetime thing and honey, our “baby” will be 21 in 3 months and seeking to live abroad once he finishes college.

I seee the horizon and it has no wailing babies that I can’t send back to its parents in it.

Hell does indeed go with no.

Dueces and mad love,

DivA

He ain’t no squirrel but he’s storing rotten nuts

My husband hasn’t found a meal that he can part with. Like seriously. I opened our refrigerator this morning and found a space filled with containers of food he SWORE he would get around to eating and invariably it spoils.

Somehow his mind is not  connecting with the receptor in his belly that it is impossible to eat everything.

He saves my discarded food at restaurants saying he will have it for lunch or a snack.

Several weeks later, it’s found smushed in the back of the fridge green or some other unhealthy color.

He saves the condiments from restaurants and if I allowed him, we would have a side door filled with packets of butter, jelly, ketchup and hot sauce.

So in an efffort not to lose my sanity, I go behind him and get rid of anything that is over a week old but when I found the empty container, I was totally over him.

He never quite explained why he continues to store food like a squirrel or like a refugee from a war torn country who doesn’t know where or when the next meal will be.

Lord have mercy… he is going to gasp for air when the opens the fridge tonight because it’s all gone, every outdated bit of it.

Let’s see if he take the hint and eat those pears on the top shelf. A girl can hope right?

I won’t hold my breath.

Dueces and mad love,

Diva 

The eggs dropped by the birds nest for a little loveΒ 

A few days ago, my eldest child flew home to visit albeit briefly, so we could see each other before he went off to handle his real purpose for being here- his fraternity and the brothers he formed a deep bond with. I was with him for less than 12 hours but we squeezed priceless moments within and my soul and heart were full when he left.

I wrote about this son a while back in a post where he had an encounter with a police officer https://lawfultrainer.wordpress.com/2013/07/14/innocence-of-a-child-forever-gone/

Even as we worked diligently to be certain he was okay and told him to keep achieving, he continues to defy and exceed any expectations anyone could have of him.

Quite simply, he’s determined to succeed and writes 5 and 10 year plans to keep his purpose in the forefront always. So earlier this year, 2 weeks before his 24th birthday, he had already graduated from college, works for a Great company that values and relocated him to another state and after just 11 months of living in said state, he closed on his very 1st home.

As remarkable as that was, he also bought that home with no financial help from his father and I. In fact, he insisted it was something he wanted to see if he could do and he did. We couldn’t believe how disciplined he was to save by not buying a new car when he graduated from college even as his peers were stunting with new rides all around him. He paid his bills on time and kept his credit score in a place many adults do not have and he stunned the banks when they saw he really saved and had a stable job at his age. Once he bought that home though, I flew in and helped him to furnish and buy appliances. He smiled and said I was “such a mommy” as if that was an insult!!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

He is now 24 and as I listened to him discuss what his next set of plans entailed, I teared up remembering all he had gone through to get to this point and that his adversities only made him grow to the place where he is an incredible advocate of his rights and can see things from a point of view most miss.

He is a really quiet and profound cat that I am so proud to call SON. I caught a brief glimpse of his need for parent love when he walked up to hug me and just laid his head on my chest for a good two minutes. It was cathartic and healing to us both.

He credits his tenacity to having parents who aren’t afraid to work hard and achieve-he astutely learned certain traits we carry that he found to be beneficial in business and life and built upon that. I have no doubt we haven’t fully begun to see what he will accomplish. and while the house was filled with both my children and all their friends, when the nest emptied and those birds flew back to where they came from, they all left a piece of their love joy and peace with me..

Parents- raising children is the most challenging thing we will do and it never ends. We want to protect our children from danger and harm while we coach them on being able to thrive in environments away from us. If we could, we would shield them and keep their innocence firmly intact but life doesn’t work that way. 

On this day, I pray you have the courage and strength to do what you know is right for your children and to seek advice when needed.

Those babies we carried and nurtured will one day become adults. How they get there depends upon you in those early years of learning and growth.

Dueces and mad love,

Diva 

when the oldest comes home for a visit

The Hot chocolate Trollop that took my man

I have been married for a little over a year now and in that time,My husband and I have been purging our living space which was his home for over twenty years before I got there.

I wasn’t fond of the space as it was but since we didn’t live together for the entire five years  we dated, I gave no energy to it beyond trying to help him organize it during his annual holiday party.

So when we jumped the broom and we  decided I would move in with him, I had no choice but to begin looking closely at my new home and I literally sat on the front steps and cried not knowing where to begin.

But to know my level of tenacity, is the recognize that once my tears dried, I rolled up my mental and physical sleeves and got to work.

The house was gutted and the main rooms painted with vibrant colors. Some appliances were replaced, the outside had a new driveway and the entire front facade redone along with planting a new garden. The basement was gutted and redone, plumbing and electric updated. And so it went. The house had taken a huge turn for the better and I was happier.

So when I said to my husband 7 days ago that it was time to replace one chair in our living room, he didn’t argue and said go ahead.

Well I began doing research and found what I was looking for except I didn’t just buy one chair. I found the perfect sofa and then went about seeking a love seat that would be just right for him. I found it too. Dark chocolate and soft as butter.

They were delivered 24 hours ago and when my husband got home, he was slack jawed with shock and when he sat in his new chair, the look on his face was worth the surprise.πŸ˜„

So when I texted him today in response to his query on how I was doing, it took him a while to respond and this is what I got from him “Doing well. I’m sorry to tell you that I have a new love in my life. 

She’s long and smooth, with a nice chocolate body. I took Advil and fell asleep on that love seat, and I didn’t wake up until 11:45.”

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

I have been replaced by a chocolate chair!! He can keep her since I will know just where to find him on any given day.

My consideration of his wants has left him super happy which makes me super happy..

And that my dears, is how we compromise to a better place.. wonder what I’m Going to do next… you just have to wait and see..

Dueces and mad love,

DivA

Cutco oh oh..

There a few things that I love and aside from hubby and family, chief among them are cooking and young people striving to earn money honestly to pay for tutition etcetera.

But honey, someone at Cutco did a profile on what would make people buy their products and I swear, one of those avatars has my face on it.

Stay with me here.

I got a call recently  from one of the young people I love who wanted to see if she could come to seee me and do a Cutco demonstration on my home.

I already knew the deal because I have Cutco products in my kitchen that I use daily so I was prepared that my pockets would squeal a tiny bit so that I could support this “baby.”

Well Damn.

We are flipping through the pages and I saw a set of silverware that interested me and asked for a quote. The 5 place setting was $1,400 and plenty coins!! Did I say I was looking at the 12 place setting though? I told her never mind, collected myself and kept flipping those pages.

Whew!!

We decided on a few pieces in the end but I continue to be struck by how expensive those pieces are!  They are more costly than pieces of jewelry and probably brings more joy if you love to cook like I do. That cleaver slices through bone like butter but it requires mortgaging your kidney to buy itπŸ˜‚

Chile listen. At the end of the day, if you don’t like being in the kitchen much, save those coins but if you want an experience with cooking tools that makes creating meals a joy and your pockets can support it, go for it as they are worth every penny. 

For the rest of you who buys cutco simply as a status symbol in your house while they gather dust because you couldn’t find the stove knobs if you tried, cutco has an avatar with your face too. It’s called the label/status symbol junkieπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

For the record- while that child left my house with a sale firmly in hand, don’t yall send no more children to my door because it’s easier to just write a check to support their college fund. Ya dig? They are hard to resist but my pockets will force me to say no by hiding behind my door quietly when they come

Knocking πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Dueces and mad love.

Diva 

Delayed is not denied….

When I think of how much my life has changed in the last 20 years, I can safely say I’m beginning to grasp the concept that delayed doesn’t mean denied and if we trust the process we are in, we will see it was all for our good long term.
That job you thought you had to keep because it pays your bills but you got laid off and was surprised to see it was designed to happen just that way because you wouldn’t have otherwise stepped out on faith and become even more successful?
Delayed is not denied
That man you just KNEW God sent for you and you scratched and clawed to keep him even as his actions said otherwise. It finally ends and you mourn him thinking there isn’t another soul worth having only to meet someone who made this Other person seem like a joke?
Delayed is not denied
Those days when you could barely scrape the rent money together, you had no car to drive and small children to take care of in the middle of an awful Divorce only to look up years later and life is good?
Delayed is not denied.

In order to turn the corner from life’s tragedies, you must first be willing to do your own work to healing and that may mean forgiving the people who hurt you, learn from the mistakes, choose wisely, be open to taking risks and have faith.
The alternative is staying mired in the hurt and disappointments only to look up and realize your delay did indeed become your denial because in the end you can’t change anyone but you and nothing grows in a stagnant state.

Ya dig?

Dueces and mad love,

Diva

Ima need you to unpack that rat sir…

The other day, I saw what could only be described as a shiny new toy in our basement and wondered who it belonged to  because it  couldn’t be ours. So I asked mister.
Me: babe, is that a weed whacker I see downstairs? Does it belong to our landscaper?

Him: no it’s ours.

Me: how sway? When I first got here, the weeds were taller than me in the back yard (no exaggeration) and the front was a disaster. I have never seen you touch, pluck or move a Blade of nature. What sense does that make?

Him: if memory serves me, it just needed a long cord and there is nothing wrong with it.

Me: but you are not using it so why do we have it again?

Him: it’s brand new.

Me: from 10 years ago and never used. Give it away.

Him: you know I can be a pack rat. I keep thinking I may need stuff down the road.

Me: I’m going to need you to unpack your rat because this house is void of your junk and it will stay that way if you want peace on earth.

Him: give me a week. If I haven’t figured out what to do with it, then we can get rid of it.
Lord have mercy. Did I say he was HIGHLY allergic to pollen? I have never seen him cutting grass etc as a direct result so I am stumped on why there is a weed whacker holding up a corner like glorified trash! I could feel him bristling at the thought of not keeping this thing he may never use but that’s how we start a collection of things we don’t need and an occasional purging is healthy for my mind and his body.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
Speaking of trash- my husband and I keep having this one sided debate about it and who should take it to the curb on disposal days.

I see nothing wrong with dragging it to the curb but he is adamant that he will do it the night before.
Slight problem.

 He usually gets home so late that he’s dragging himself and while he takes all the trash he can find out, he usually misses a can or two. 
Last week, he missed them all.

My side eye on stun

So what is a sister to do? Keep in mind that I have lifted barns, helped to pull a plane and all other sundry of things but in THIS house, he believes it’s one of his roles because he doesn’t want me handling the trash cans.
I need someone to gently hold his hands and bring him into this century but in the meantime, I made an executive decision and dragged what is now two weeks worth of garbage out to the curb.
I’m praying he says nothing beyond thank you so I can keep my “I was ONLY trying to help YOU buddy!” Attitude firmly in checkπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
When he’s home and can take it out, by all means but I’m not helpless and this is one less thing he has to consider if I make it home before him.
That’s what marriage is all about right? Collaboration, picking up the slack, not counting roles and supporting  each ther.

I keep telling you all- this isn’t for punks so stay the course and don’t get distracted by the little things. Like trash.

Deuces and mad love,

Diva

It’s the little things…don’t overlook them

I had to attend a funeral of a dear friend today who died suddenly last week from an asthma attack of all things, and as I sat in the church numb from disbelief, I learned through the lens that was her life, to make our days count. She made every day count by being a tireless volunteer and example for people across all genres and did it with humility, grace and hellified style.

We are not on this earth to be about ourselves but rather, the impact we leave on others.  Judging from that full church, she did just that.

So when I got home, I took some time to reflect on my porch about a few things while listening to my Husband moving about the house.

And then, an angel stopped by to visit and what she thought was solace for her, became so many lessons for me when she walked in the house, took off her shoes and literally curled up on my shoulders and exhaled..

I almost cried.

What she did said she completely trusted me with her heart and we sat in silence until I asked her how was her day.. she began to share and we spoke like mother and daughter for the next couple of hours while she had a bowl of soup and I drank a cup of ginger tea.

I looked at that precious face and saw the daughter I never had. I impressed upon her to come visit any time she wanted to because I became clear, her love and trust were not easily given and never to be taken for granted.

That for me, was a part of our service here on earth. How are we choosing to show empathy, listen and be vulnerable?

People watch us all the time. It is never our words but more our actions that makes all the difference.

So while I was saddened by One friend passing away, I was rejuvenated by the love of another who reminded me life continues and we are to make the best of every moment.
Dueces and mad love,

Diva

Raised with love, laughter and lessons

Either God has a sense of humor, or I’m crazy. I’m placing my money on God. Every single morning between 2 0r 3 am, I awaken like clockwork. I kinda know why but more about that later.

So I’m up as usual and happened to check the space where my siblings and I chat daily to check in with each other about our lives, what’s happening with our aging parents etcetera.

I clearly wasn’t prepared for the conversation I began reading but I felt a chuckle bubble in my soul, that erupted from my mouth into  full blown laughter as I read comment after comment that went from The ridiculous to the sublime.

You see, 2 of my siblings were trying to get a third to look beyond the scenario of dogs being taken to church  and to the altar to be blessed by a priest and see the lessons within but she was so STUCK on what our Jamaican culture dictated that she couldn’t see  why this particular scenario was happening. The hilarity that ensued, warmed the cockles of my tickled heart!

They teased her mercilessly and she wouldn’t budge but reminded them that she is able to look clearly enough at something and if it didn’t make sense to her, she wasn’t going to do it no matter what  her wretched siblings said to the contrary πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

The older we get, it’s become apparent that we have similar traits to either one or both of our parents that we SWore would never happen.

Sounds familiar?

We prayed and asked God daily to let the idiosyncratic cups pass us by but alas!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Our father has been a sage offering all kinds of advice and lessons within everything he sees and encounters. It drove us nuts as children but we have some of those same tendencies. Some of us more than others and I ain’t pointing no fingers. Ha!! He also believes in using natural ingredients for everything. It better come from the earth or he ain’t touching it.  This is the man that went to the dentist and they could find zero plaque on his teeth because his regimen daily with brushing and flossing lasts a good 15 minutes after each and every meal.

I can’t make this stuff up.

Our mother is a class act who was steadfast in teaching us how to grow up and be responsible and classy women that wouldn’t compromise our souls for anything. She is much quieter than our father who talks from the minute he awakens until he falls asleep and she is the ying to his chatty yang.

Our childhood friends love our parents and we couldn’t understand their constant craving of two people we tried our best to  never cross hairs with but as we all age, we see the value in how they raised us to look after each other, showed us that prayer is a powerful tool, that giving back goes beyond the basics, that we are to treat others well and lord were they ever excellent examples of how we raised our own children. 

My sisters are the solid backbone to my very existence. They hold me accountable like only siblings can, they show up in ways big and small no matter what is going on and they pray hard when I take off on another adventure that I will return unscathed because none of them wants to be the one to explain to our parents, why they allowed me to go off on what they would consider a reckless folly.πŸ˜‚ As if anyone could stop me and they know this from raising my precocious self!

Our mommy celebrates another turn around the sun today and as I give thanks for her being here with us among the living, I also give thanks that she raised four girls into beautiful women who found their purpose and continues to walk with mankind in our own unique ways. She is an excellent grandmother to 4 grandchildren as evidenced with my oldest son dancing with her in the featured photo. She dotes on them in ways that makes us wonder  who she is because the drill sergeant mother became the pudding pop Grandmom.

Family is a blessing and it’s wonderful to live to a space where the value of it can be fully appreciated even in the roughest of times. 

Love and appreciate yours in ways big or small- meet people where they are-try not it judge but seek to understand and always remind yourself we aren’t going to be here on earth forever so make the best of each moment we have here.

Deuces and mad love,

Diva