Category Archives: Domestic violence
Friday October 7th was the premiere of the movie Birth Of A Nation and while I knew I was going to view it and psyched myself up to see what was sure to shock my senses in parts, what happened was something different. For me anyway.
That day began in an interesting manner where I had to circumvent and remind a few folks who were so entrenched in how they did things, they forgot education was about the children they purportedly served.
So I was already feeling some kinda funky from a long day filled with meetings, when I pointed my diva mobile in the general direction of the movie theater.
I had two sips of some kind of beverage and some appetizers but I was more engrossed in chatting with many of the folks who I hadn’t met before this screening and a few who knew me Well enough to be prepared for any and all Shenanigans I may spew forth.
After ALL of that preparation, I walked in and settled myself in the very back after taking a deep cleansing breath.
I would NOT be the sister who left disliking all white folks based on what I saw.
Listen. 30 minutes in? I was cringing, tears were flowing down my cheeks,
I was talking to myself and the screen, I called on Jesus more than
A few times and didn’t know IF I would make it through.
Here is what I learned- and let me be clear, you may get something totally different but our past experiences often shape what we see and feel.
I saw a man who was chosen to be a leader who was quiet, caused no trouble, did what his master told him and learned to read because the slave owners wife took an interest in him.
Lesson? Never dismiss people based on what you see. The eyes can be deceptive. Nat Turner had something within, that the outer facade belied and he was therefore trusted in places and spaces that gave him access when the time came.
There is a courage within people
Of African descent that isn’t often depicted anywhere as it serves to remind us that we matter, we are Smart, we Are Resilient and while everyone may not be on board when the time comes to act, it only requires a few to get a movement started.
Watching The constant raping of our women and children at the hands of slave masters, only for those broken women to be sent back to their men afraid, ashamed and hurt to their core, almost put me over the edge.
I also saw the courage, love and anguish of the men, who often risked their lives to protect their families the best way they could. That visual warmed my soul.
We suffered a lot as a people and it continues to present day but we also have more power and able to make choices instead of waffling in mired hurt and pain alone.
Many are called, FEW are chosen. We all have a purpose in this life and our one job is to find it and then follow.
Nat Turner and many others lost their lives
For that insurgence but it sparked a revolution that changed slavery after he died.
We MUST make it our business to learn
About our history and stop waiting for it to become
Curriculum in schools. There are too many books, not to
For that to even be an excuse any longer.
As a woman, I walk every day with the ancestry of Nanny of the Maroons from Jamaica whose blood runs through my veins. I am steeped in my culture in a way that serves as a reminder that I can and will continue to achieve with alacrity and I must serve those around me with same.
We had a discussion after the movie and I left wondering who were to two or three who would actually step beyond the emotions to spark the next movement.
There were a few Caucasian students from Arcadia university who watched the movie and I could FEEL the palpable
Discomfort coming from a couple. I walked right over to them and reminded them to not leave here feeling guilty but rather enlightened on how they could help to make this a better America for us all.
That movie shook my very core- but it did something that was so much more. It was confirmation in a way that I in particular needed.
Go see it. It’s worth every penny and the lessons are priceless.
Deuces and mad love,
On our way home from a recent function, mister and I were quietly chatting as we inched along in traffic when I noticed something weird.
There was jeep Cherokee in front of me that began rocking violently and the driver kept swinging the wheels towards the concrete barrier that shook my senses and caused everyone behind him to back off to a screeching halt.
We couldn’t hear what he was saying, but his head kept jerking back and forth violently and his mouth was wide open with rage.
Whoever the recipient of that kind of vitriol was, had my sympathies.
Dude literally snapped out here in these streets and we all awaited the impending accident based on his erratic behaviors. I am assuming he made it home safely because he wasn’t plastered on the 11 O’ clock news.
I asked mister what could have possibly caused such a reaction and he wisely said any number of things could be the issue- short fuse and everything in between.
We just never know what folks are going through out here and what that one match will be that causes an explosion.
I know one darn thing though- there is no way I am giving myself a stroke or a heart attack being that kind of angry because there is nothing worth getting that catastrophically sick.
I have felt myself getting there twice in my lifetime and those negro spirituals come in real handy. Trust. When a woman starts humming in the middle of what you are saying, let your peace be still and move quietly on until the noises in her head subsides.
That was free but invaluable advice. You are welcome.😂
Now if the person arguing with you, goes further to laying of physical hands? Nothing in my head is printable here. There is no manual
For that level of insanity so handle thyself accordingly and Be safe in your extrication of those circumstances.
A great way to handle and diffuse stress is through exercise. Not of the mouth- but of the body and mind. Meditation is calming in ways many fail to recognize and gives clarity in murky situations.
Safety first. Always. There isn’t enough love in the world that should keep anyone in a situation that leaves them on the edge of fear all the time.
Deuces and mad love,
A local woman in Philadelphia went for a jog in the PennyPack Park, failed to return home after several hours and was ultimately found dead. A few days later, after the reward went to fifty one thousand dollars for the capture of her killer/s, her husband was arrested. According to the police, he confessed they had an argument, he followed and ultimately strangled her. It seems like just another story of domestic violence but the numbers are pretty telling;
A woman is beaten every 15 seconds in the United States. Each day ….. 4 women die as a result of abuse.
5.3 million women are abused each year. As many as 324,000 women each year experiance domestic violence during … cases of domestic violence occur among U.S. women 18 and older each year
In this case, there was a history of domestic violence in the home and people often say things like ” why do they stay?” I know from personal history that it isn’t always so easy and domestic violence takes a toll in ways that’s just unimaginable. In my case, I was able to get out and lead a productive life
But many other women are not so lucky.
Because we ( victims of violence) tend to hide abuse from our family members, look
For the following signs that something is wrong;
1) your loved one starts making a bunch of excuses about why they can’t visit family or family cannot visit them. This could be a classic sign of someone being controlled against their will.
2). They seem Like different people when they are with you but when the mate comes around, personality changes noticeably
3). Unexplained bruises with fantastic excuses
4) they begin to exhibit signs of nervousness and unexplained tears when you least expect it.
These are just a few. I have to caution you that no amount of begging or easing seems to work
with many victims because they are often left to feel
Like the abuse is a result of some behavior on their part. The victim
Must get to a place of ” no more” and will hopefully run when it’s safe to do so. Having children in the mix, often complicates things further.
I also must say that the abuser is usually suffering too from some sort of undiagnosed mental illness or anger management from childhood trauma. Some are just sociopaths who prey on the weak. The best way to help them, is to hold them accountable for their actions but often, the victim ( through fear guilt and yes. Love) refuses to press charges as in the case of the running back from the Baltimore Ravens.
It is a sad scenario indeed and one where education must begin literally from birth. Our children learn through our examples. What are we teaching them is acceptable through our behaviors?
We want to believe that most people are good and many are, but do not be deceived by the sociopaths among us. Protect yourselves by not getting fully vested into a relationship that spells trouble. Take those clues in the beginning and run for your life.