Category Archives: Budding romance

Trick or treat?

I often wonder if we fully grasp what it means to have a long term relationship with anyone. It could be romantic, business  or platonic in nature but they all require work in order to sustain them fully.

I look around me and see these relationships fall apart for many reasons but it all came back to not maintaining the health and viability of your partner.

Someone asked me a question last week that led to my  wanting to delve into the romantic aspect of relationships here.

When we first meet and begin the process of getting to know a person, we should check the temperature of those feelings regularly by asking ourselves things like 

What are my motives?  

-Do I truly like this person or is it something to do that deflects/detracts from loneliness?

– What shared values do we have beyond the initial attraction?

-Will we openly communicate in ways that works through any issues that will arise?

– Am I in this relationship to rebound from a failed one?

You get the gist right? 

The way we enter a relationship, sets the tone for how it flows and it still requires work and checking in with each other regularly because life will get in the way.

Unhappiness breeds all kinds of malcontent when not addressed in a timely fashion.  When we add marriage to the mix, that flame goes way up because you are now dealing with blended families and lord knows, everyone has an opinion whether you asked for it or not. 

Leave and cleave is not a cute catch phrase. It really means something. If you gotta run back to momma every time you have a question, how do you develop relationship with your spouse?

If you allow your children to dictate your lives through whatever means they choose to employ, that will cause a serious rift.

If you gush about another person without fully acknowledging and routinely appreciating the one that lives with you, it’s cause for a situation.

Do not invite the opinion of others into the seriousness that is your life. Learn about your mate enough to know when to draw the line and pull back with compromise and love.

We say that we know  relationships won’t be a bed of roses but the first time we get pricked with the thorn of life and see blood, we run for cover  and end what could be a long term partnership 

The flip side of that is hanging around and grasping at someone who consistently shows you with their actions you are not valued.

A relationship that begins on shady ground will feel like a trick from hell. One that is nurtured becomes a treat that keeps on giving. You decide through your choices.

Know thyself. Love thyself.

Dueces and mad love,

Diva 

Hope springs eternal love..

My divamobile was in the shop being winterized  recently and when it was completed, the mechanic sent his nephew to drop it off at my home which is such a sweet thing he does without my ever asking for such a service.
So as I go to jump in the car and take his nephew back, he ( nephew)began engaging me in conversation- first about seemingly small talk but out of nowhere he started talking about this woman he only began dating a month ago that he met 12 years earlier. They were into each other then but life happened and they ended up not becoming a couple and they both got married and divorced. Neither one of them had children. One more thing- he’s Vietnamese and she is Caucasian.
Don’t ask me why he shared so openly, but am I glad he did!
He was trying to put his finger on why he was so over the top about this lady after not ever really feeling this way about anyone in his life. 

I mean, he could NOT stop. He spoke of how easy going she was, non Judgmental, smart, had a great job, no kids, divorced and she made him giddy with joy. 

With the tiniest bit of prodding, it came out that she was happy to do the simplest things with him like taking long car rides, impromptu fishing on their way home and they didn’t have to do anything fancy for her to have fun.
I smiled listening to him because I could tell he found a gem. When he said he just purchased a brand new car and when she said it was cute, he took her car and gave her his to drive with no issues and was happy to do it.
He is the epitome of what it looks like when a man is all the way into you. Nothing is off limits for this woman with him- so much so, as I gave him advice, he began recording me so he could Share it with her.. lawd.. it was so refreshing to watch him!
He is a stark reminder to never give up on THE One that is meant for you. Search your own heart first though and check to see if your core values are in alignment or you may just let a gem walk away because they aren’t as tall

Or a different culture or dress corny.. what’s in the heart should be able to spring forth and bud if we only get out of our own way..
Dueces and mad love,

Diva