Dear younger self…
I woke up this morning to a text from a young lady, who asked if I could share a few tips on love/self care for young women because she felt education was pushed in society but not much else beyond that, and the results are every where in these streets. I thought about it and here is MY list.
1. Follow your parents rules but Develop a few of your own.
Our parents are supposed to be our guiding system and usually that makes sense because well, they are our parents and their immediate goal is to keep us safe, if they have sense and a sense of direction. Not everyone is so lucky and had to develop survival skills early on in life. But what if your mom or dad chose to remain in an abusive relationship for example for whatever the reason they had in their head at the time? Does that mean you should grow up and do that too? Or did you go in the opposite direction and become an abuser yourself? Learning to develop a sense of right and wrong, also develops the gut instinct that will keep you from going down the wrong path.
2. Love yourself without apology.
We are often taught, especially as young women to take care of everyone before ourselves. That is a lie that keeps on perpetuating itself. By the time you look up from taking care of others and are too exhausted to look after you, it’s often after you are ill or boxed into a corner rife with decisions that are costly to your soul. Take care of your basic needs first.
3. Don’t be afraid of making mistakes but learn from them.
How many of us have found ourselves in a relationship from hell? I sure have. More than once too. And yes, I cried got mad and wanted to put a hurting on a couple of them. What I didn’t do? Was stay in that space. Holding a grudge counterproductive. I wrote out my feelings, discussed it with someone I could trust and then took the steps to regain my life by moving the hell on. The only person that wins when you stay in that vicious cycle of trying to hold on to that which no longer wants you, is the killer of your self esteem. And trust me- losing that precious commodity is too costly and usually not worth the ninja you were pining over. In fact, you will look back and say HOW did I do THAT? But use it as the lesson for what you don’t want to embrace moving forward.
4. Choose your friendships wisely.
The hardest lesson to learn is that not everyone has your best interests at heart. Jealousy and complacency is a beast. Many of your friendships will NOT last forever. The truth is, most of us will only have a few cherished friends that’s spans our lifetime. The goal is to see and feel who those people are and ride the wave with them no matter what. We aren’t perfect people and it’s wonderful to have someone you can confide without feeling like your stuff will be in the streets before the words leave your mouth. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
5. You will have doubts/concerns but there is a reason for that.
The greatest gift we are given that is often ignored? Our Gut instincts. That thing will ride us like a monkey on steroids and some of us STILL will choose to ignore it to our own peril. My advice? Don’t do it to yourself. Our gut instincts are spot on so even if the person in front of you is saying all the right things or is finer than wine, follow that deep still voice within because sooner or later, whatever it is you were feeling, will manifest itself. Protect yourself by holding back and choosing to be reserved until you know what that thing is. So worth it in the end.
This is the one piece of advice I wish I had as a younger person. Everything happens in our lives for a reason. Even the not so good stuff but what I learned now that I didn’t know then, is that those lessons became the impetus to the places where I am now in life and it all made perfect sense. If I didn’t have the imbeciles, I would not have been able to fully appreciate the gems.
7. Have faith/belief in something greater than yourself
We are souls in earthly bodies. Having faith, praying, asking for guidance in the universe, is a beautiful thing to experience and so choose to believe in the existence of that which is greater than you. Your words when out into the universe, has no choice but to manifest itself. Choose wisely, what you think and say.
All of the things above along with kindness, has helped me on the road of my personal journey. I hope it helps you a tiny bit. Be kind to yourself and the rest will fall into place.
Dueces and mad love,