Monthly Archives: November 2016
When my brain is full, I take comfort in finding the places that bring joy to my weary soul in an effort to rejuvenate myself.
Today that place was the Rangoon, which is still the only Burmese restaurant in Pennsylvania. Go figure. But the food? Made from scratch and is sinfully good.
So there I entered with my lunch companion, who roared when the owner chirped out my name in a warm welcome, said she missed seeing more of me and told me which friends of mine had been in recently!
It’s like that.
I told her I would be celebrating my birthday with her food in a few short weeks and no less than 10 of us would be there to liven up the place. She giggled and my friend and I settled down to eat.
Here is where it got interesting.
A brother came rushing through the doors, dropped his jacket at the table next to ours, ran over to the owner and began ordering food. He began with. “I will have 2 L9’s, a soup and two of the chicken and broccoli dish!”
It took me a minute to realize he was eating in because he seemed to be in such a rush and of course, I had to mess with him.
You had a doubt?
He shared he has been visiting the restaurant for almost 20 years to my 14, and it’s one of his favorite places to eat. He was so personable, we kept chatting until his woman walked through the door. We said hello to her and went back to our respective lunches until my dishes showed up and his woman got my attention and asked what was I eating.
I looked at him and said. “Wait a minute. YOU have been coming here for 20 years and haven’t tried any of the things in front of me? Dude, you killing me!”
He laughed and replied no, so I promptly scooped a little from each of my dishes she was curious about and put it on her plate to try and while telling him he didn’t deserve any for slacking like this!😂😂
Of course, she loved it and I admonished him to stretch himself beyond the one dish he had been eating for 20 years and actually ask for a menu and allow his lady to choose next time.
Can you imagine? All those delightful dishes and he stuck with one. For 2 decades. I ain’t never heard of such!
I ear hustled as I ate and learned she was frustrated with his flirting and crossing the line with some women they both knew and he became squirmy when the topic of his phone and texts came up.
Lord. A player from the Himalayas.
Limited in menu choices and thinking too, I guess. He so needed another brother or person to sit and discuss a few things with him about life and choices because we could tell he didn’t have the right tools to deal with what was in front of him and that sister looked like she was at the end of her rope.
I don’t know what happened after they left, but I learned a lesson about really meeting people where they are. It was enough for him yo have discovered this place that he never thought to go beyond what he was comfortable with. I believe after his encounter with us though, he may change his choices next time around.
My lunch partner and I looked at each other and cracked up because we could see our husbands at his age probably doing some of the same things..
Whew Chile.. every day is an opportunity grow and learn should we choose to expand our minds. The alternative isn’t always pretty.
Dueces and mad love,
What a week this has been. I am still recovering from Hosting Thanksgiving dinner in our home and all the shenanigans of love that took place within.
My husband was feeling especially mushy for some inexplicable reason and at one point, sat on the porch with me saying how grateful he was for us. I reminded him we had guests after telling him I was grateful for his love too and so as we walked back into the confines of the house, he says from behind me to the entire family, “we have news to share, Andrea is having a baby.”
I kept walking to the kitchen as his crazy family members clapped in glee and without turning around I replied ” what the hell is wrong with you?”
He cracked up and told them he was playing and I thought that was the end of it.
Later on that night, I learned from his mother that she would not be opposed to us having a child and in fact, she was looking forward to it.
Now see here.
Did they forget I was a clapback of 50?
When I reminded them of my not so tender years, I heard ” Janet Jackson is 51 and she’s doing it!”
Ummm… my name ain’t Janet. It ain’t Jackson if you nasty either. Not to mention I am sane enough to know these eggs have done their final drop some two score and plenty years ago and they fitting to scramble and retire for good in these Fallopian tubes. And I have an excellent retirement plan called menopause awaiting their arrival
I spoke about it at length with my husband this morning and it seems he seriously has been thinking about it. I refrained from asking him to get his brain checked as we are now grandparents and instead worked hard to see and connect with his sentiments.
He agreed the baby-ship has sailed for us once I laid out the facts but was happy I heard him out.
Lawd have mercy..
Men should be able to get pregnant. I bet you it would alleviate some of this baby talk. Women aren’t toaster ovens who pop out little humans on cue. This is a lifetime thing and honey, our “baby” will be 21 in 3 months and seeking to live abroad once he finishes college.
I seee the horizon and it has no wailing babies that I can’t send back to its parents in it.
Hell does indeed go with no.
Dueces and mad love,
So A week ago, I went to a new place with my diva daughter to get our toes done (convenience) and somehow, the woman cut my heel with the machine and I didn’t realize it until I began to feel twinges of pain a day later.
And I ignored it.
I literally thought it was a surface scratch until two days ago when I climbed out of the bed, put pressure on the foot and winced. It only got worse and so by Thanksgiving morning, I had a gangsta limp but kept it from my husband so we could get through the day and all the company we were expecting.
Yesterday though? Chile listen. I was over talking the funk and asked him to take a look.
He was horrified at what he found and gave me that look while he collected all the things he would need to clean and add neosporin. He fussed at me while I was gritting my teeth, especially when the cleaning agent hit the wound, but I kept my mouth shut.
Once he got it cleaned, I stepped down and my foot felt so much better, I hugged him with pure gratitude.
I thought that was the end of it but this morning, he brought out his “doctor kit”again and proceeded to clean and dress the wound after I bathed without my asking.
It touched my soul watching him gently slide my sock on and then looking up to ask if I was okay..
These are the things that matter long term in a relationship- not the car we drive, the house we live in or even how many degrees we do or don’t have. Common decency that transcends what people sees every day really matters in ways we don’t always fully appreciate until we need it.
My husband can take my last nerve and pluck it for miles some days but guess what? I still wouldn’t trade him for all the tea in china.
Dueces and mad love ❤️
My husband curled into my back recently as he awakened, and let out a long, deep sigh. I knew what was on his mind and gave him the space to talk while being careful to listen without judgment or forming an opinion.
It was helpful to him and he went to work in a much better place. As wonderful a person as he is, like everyone else, he sometimes questions decisions he made that he wishes he could do over, and watching his consciousness shift into realizing even the mistakes serve a purpose, has been immensely helpful to his own personal growth and well being.
I immediately began thinking of another person who reached out and contacted me a little over a year ago and was in such crisis, it physically hurt my heart to sit in her space and listen as she bravely bared her soul to an almost perfect stranger she knew very little about, but was led in her heart to contact me anyway knowing I could have said anything but yes to meeting with her.
Her bravery was just the spark I needed as I began to challenge the stories she told herself and asked her to create a vision board or statement of the things she loved and what was it that made her sparkle at the very thought of doing it.
I could see in her eyes that she wasn’t sure but at that juncture, what else did she have to lose? So she went about the business of putting one tiny step in front of the other even as the winds of life hurled her like a rag doll and “friends”felt like cold rain drops on her tattered soul.
She dug deeply and I encouraged her by supporting her dreams. She makes creative and excellent fare in a way that has my husband groaning for more which was great sign indeed!! So she made our meals as we needed them and we were never disappointed. She was definitely on to something! I seriously love her meals and everything is made with fresh herbs and spices to perfection.
Today I called her for advice on some rolls and the person who answered the phone was full of life and ideas and had big catering jobs in front of her to do!!
I am not even sure if she realizes that she chose to find the piece of her soul that would redeem and continue to validate her very existence on earth and that led to the place where she is currently.
We are NOT defined by our mistakes when we can see them as lessons that are shaping us to go on the next parts of our journey on earth. No one said our pots wouldn’t be shaken and stirred from time to time as there is no ying without a yang.
We must give ourselves permission to breathe beyond our mistakes and allow them to define our next moves.
Take the time this holiday season to give the gift of compassion. We could all use a little.
Dueces and mad love,
On the advice of my wayward friends, I decided to skip “adulting” today after what was a long and stressful week and not being able to detach myself from the bed no matter how hard I tried this morning.
That is a sign from my body that I am overdue. So I made a few calls, plotted out the adult feee day and off I went to run the first errand.
As I walked to the cash register to pay for my items, I noticed the cayutest wine rack on sale that I could use to store the bottles I have at home and got excited until I noticed the thing needed some assembly.
Sitting beside the boxes however was an already assembled one so I turned on my biggest smile, flipped around , set my sights on a sales associate, and sweetly beckoned her nigh my dwelling.
Me: morning lady. Do you think I could buy the already assembled rack pretty please? I don’t have time to assemble anything before the holidays and I need this badly.
Her: morning sis. Hold on and let me ask for you.
She ambles over to the boss, asked, he looked at me grinning with puppy eyes and said yes!! Praise Gawd!!
The lady came back and helped me put it in a cart and I couldn’t thank her enough!
Me: you rock! I so appreciate your helping me to get this!
Her: real talk lady? It was YOUR kindness that made me go the extra mile for you. We never give away our displays unless it’s the last one and so many customers have such entitlements when they ask for something, I shrug my shoulders and wish them good luck in getting it with their nasty attitudes.
And just like that, she affirmed the lesson my mother taught me as a child- kindness will open doors all the money in the world won’t with a nasty attitude.
I took my purchases and skipped out the door!!
Now, should I make my husband believe I worked hard and put it together or tell him the truth?😂😂😂
I may have to mull on that one.. ha!!
Dueces and mad love,
So mister must have sensed I had taken a small break at work because he called and asked if I had a few minutes to chat.Me: sure, what’s up?
Him: If you knew all the things you know about me now, would you have still married me?
Me: *dramatic pause* I mean… in hindsight, I am glad we never lived together or shared bills before we got married because I was spared the delightfulness known as shock-to-the- brain. 😂 It makes sense now, why some of your family wondered about me because I get Things done no matter what IT is AND with alacrity. You are content to just mosey along with not a care in the world unless its robotic in nature.
Him: hey, I was attuned enough to know you deserved to be loved in a most special way and I was just the guy to do it. So do I get points for that? 😏
Me: jackpot baby. Yes you do.
So the answer to your original question, is NO, I would not have married you, because I would have been nuts and trying to “fix” stuff, which have led to my feeling hopeless and not feeling forever and a damn day.That was NOT my role as your girlfriend ,but it is as your wife, and I am happy to stand right beside you. You are a kind, decent, and happy sloth. I love you for so much more beyond that though, and dating you for five years, helped me to appreciate the total package that is you.
I think he breathed a sigh of relief as he got off the phone to resume teaching😂😂 I ain’t going nowhere, and I am eternally grateful he accepted me just as I am too.
Our commonalities are greater than our differences and I wish more among us would take on and appreciate the art of dating before getting married instead of the alternative, only to realize you don’t like the creature you hitched yourself to.
And ladies- kill the mother instincts and slow down on trying to fix our partners. If we were all Perfect people, what would we have to fuss about? A tiny bit of acceptance and understanding goes a long way.
Trust me on this.
Dueces and mad love
Every morning, unless I’m ill, I am up at 4 with the target time to walk through the gym doors between 5 and 6. Yes, before Jesus is awake. It’s a routine that energizes me but there is a deeper reason for it all that I was reminded about this morning.
It was TIME for visit to the cardiologist.
I dread those visits because I worry that I will get bad news and so as I prepared myself to go, my movements became slower as I played every possible scenario in my head and by the time I got to the Office building, had convinced myself they would find something wrong and began making plans.
So I crawl/walk into the office and prepared for the worst. I held my breath as I was being strapped to the EKG machine and when the nurse kept clicking and was eeerily silent, I couldn’t take it any more and asked her if everything was okay.
She said yes and I went on to visit with the doctor who essentially said that while I had a strong family history of hypertension, my heart was fine due in large part to my fitness routines and choosing wisely what and where I ate. Salt is not my friend.
After being released and told I didn’t have to see him for another year, I literally bounced out of that place, all the imaginary symptoms I walked in with, all gone.
Why did I share all of this with you?
I don’t think I am alone in my fear of hearing bad news to the point where it’s tempting to not go to see a doctor or worse, ignore any real symptoms we may encounter.
But as we get older, our bodies require Maintenace and sometimes, due to family history etc, a tune up to remain in working order.
That ounce of prevention is definitely worth the pound of cure and no matter how afraid you may be, doing nothing only makes things worse. So take yourself to the doctor and have all your pipes checked.
Dueces and mad love
Madness, Tom foolery and chicanery erupted after the Presidential elections on November 8th 2016 and if it was possible, I would have spared my soul from running the gamut of emotions listening to people rail at outcomes their votes didn’t want, and then watched in morbid fascination as the blame game began.
White folks were embarrassed, people of color were miffed to hell and back and political party Leaders were stunned into shocked silence.
And then it happened. Reports started coming in about new Marginalized groups being targeted in the Jewish and LGBTQ communities and someone decided that the best way for folks to know who allies were and create solidarity, were through these safety pins that are now adorning clothing everywhere.
Black Folks went from miffed to hell no and the furious debate began.
I am Looking at all of this unfold and the only clear winners I see here are the savvy business heads who jumped And began selling safety pin necklaces for upwards of $300 because I guess, even pins need to be Leveled up several social classes in order to adorn certain necklines.
People. Please. Enough already. Let whosoever chooses to identify their affiliations through this pin, do so as they please because for me It’s a clear symbol of Privilege in a way that says should the wearers of Said pin become targets for their act of revolution, it’s a simple Matter of Removing it and blending in.
No Such luck For Folks of Color .
So while we keep being distracted by this newest movement, let is not forget to focus on what really matters- surviving these next few years.
Dueces and mad love
Something happened that left me looking sideways and I was completely annoyed.
I stewed on it overnight and gave myself every rational angle on why I was justified in being annoyed.
I awakened with a funky attitude just waiting for the wrong thing to be said by the wrong person.
I got in my car and began thinking that maybe this person should feel a dose of their own medicine so they could see what I felt and then I stopped short mid thought and began questioning where my own motives were coming from and was it worth the angst and who would it serve long term for the short time feeling of teaching a lesson. I began dissecting what this person fully meant to my life and that we all make mistakes and in the grand scheme of things, this wasn’t that big of a deal.
Wait- what? Did I JUST behave maturely? Was I choosing to use emotional intelligence in a way that would bring solutions instead of an argument because my language mattered?
And my soul thanked me for recognizing the shift for the first time solidly even as I spend my life always seeking to be a part of the solution and not the problem.
I gave myself a mental pat on the back and resolved to be a part of making things smooth again. And I did. And it worked out beautifully.
Our emotional growth is dictated by these shifts in our psyche from time to time. We choose our joys and sorrows through our patterns of behavior and staying steeped in what was always comfortable of us to do, means we never move beyond that comfort zone of mediocrity.
always challenge yourselves to do and be better.
Dueces and mad love,
So in a good conversation the other day, I mentioned that I needed to find a really decent makeup artist before I got professional head shots done again and it was imperative this person knew what they were doing because I tried several times in 2014 with overdone results.
My mentee then picked up her phone and immediately called upon someone she knew, and promised this person would be able to deliver. Did I say she called the poor lady at midnight? Lord have mercy.. so we set a plan in motion that she would come to my home and work on my face.
Listen… Miss Koko showed up, looked at my flawless skin, declared this would be almost too easy and went to work!
It was while she took those brushes to my face like an artist on a clean canvas though, that I learned from her just how many people are out here hiring professionals to do their makeup. On a regular basis. I thought only wealthy folks did such things and at my tender age of none-of-your-business, this was my first time having such a service done in my home.
I said as much to her and she made me sit clean back when she said I would be surprised just how many people were paying to get their faces done only for her to show up and see them living in squalor , mattresses on the floors, garbage everywhere, with rodents scooting by her as she worked on their faces. It was so bad, she got her own working studio space so they could come to her because it was hard to reconcile why anyone would spend that kind of money on their faces while their homes were falling apart around them. She breathed a sigh of relief walking through my doors and found a clean and inviting space awaited her.
To each his own I guess. I certainly had it reiterated yet again that people don’t often mirror their living conditions and the facade is real it out here.. if you are going to invite folks over, clean up your homes as much as you can. People will judge you and it’s a memory they won’t soon shake. I know far too many folks of very little means who live in a neat and tidy space. Clutter and litter doesn’t allows for one to think freely and leads to rodents who are even harder to be rid of.
I was so mortified listening to her descriptions, I didn’t realize she was done until I took a peek and squealed!! I loved it!!!
I was feeling some kinda cute honey!! I couldn’t thank her enough and she was worth every penny. I was happy that I invested in myself in a way that was necessary.. stay tuned…
With my friend Julie Nahill at the polls
Dueces and mad love,