You a lie and the truth ain’t in you

One of the millennials I simply adore, texted recently and made the suggestion that I should blog about why men lie, and after chuckling to myself, I immediately called the first person I ask everything- Mister.

I knew he wasn’t going to be ready but when is he ever? I’m like that kid who asks a thousand questions from the time I wake up until I fall asleep- I was born inquisitive much to his everlasting consternation but it’s part of the package he signed up for.

So I called him with a soft and sweet greeting to get his guard down and pounced before he could take a good breath.

Me: babe, why do men lie?

Him: *deep deflated resigned sigh* because it’s often easier than telling the truth.

I gave the phone my deepest side eye but kept my voice on an even keel because the poor man hasn’t done a thing wrong but here I was asking him to explain men in general everywhere.

Me: that’s it? It doesn’t go beyond that? Why does it seem so easy for guys to lie?

Him: babe, because it’s you and I know we can talk about everything, the truth is really what I said above. 

Me: what causes the breakdown that leads to the lies? What are we missing? Do men usually leave their wives for other women or is that a myth?

Him: when men lie about cheating, it’s often because someone excited them or gave them something different from the norm at home. The intention is to never leave the woman they are with because he loves her. He Just wanted some variation. But that comes from not communicating wants or needs in a way that both parties hear.

Me: then why get married or be in a relationship if you know you can’t be faithful? Why not just hang out then?

Him: babe no one in their right mind spends that kind of money to get married thinking they will divorce. It all comes back to respecting each other, and I cannot over emphasize communication.

Me: why did YOU get married AFTER all that time of being single?  you certainly had enough hoochie mamas waiting in the wings judging by the side eyes I get from Some of them when we run into friends of yours🙄

Him: simple. I met the ONE Person who I immediately wanted to give up any vices for. The one woman who I would throw away everything for to see a smile on her face, the one woman who made my heart happy just thinking about her, the one woman who I would share anything with, the one woman who is a daily reminder that I am a blessed man and to never forget it. That is the FIRST time in my many years in earth, I felt this way fully about any woman. 

Me: wow. So you don’t lie to me?

Him: I tried lying a few times about stupid things like putting stuff in its right place but it seems you knows me better than I know myself and those blazing eyes of yours told me to quit before it was too late😂😂 

Which brings me back to men lying to keep the peace. It doesn’t come from a malicious place.

Me: good lord. 

Him: men KNOW babe, if a woman is someone he can see long term or if she is just isn’t.  We of course don’t tell her that because it’s fun while it lasts.

Me: so what if a woman lies about cheating etcetera- does the double standard applies?

Him: yup. A man is a playboy, the woman is a whore. Men are ultra sensitive about their women being with anyone else. 

Me: well I’m more confused than ever. 

Him: don’t be. It really just boils down to this- we were conditioned as boys to not hurt your feelings and so we learned to lie so you could always feel good. By the time we became adults, we polished those lies to perfection to keep the peace and we are still horrible at it because we inevitably get sloppy and get caught. When we love you- fully love you- we resist the temptations and urges to be anywhere else but our mates. Women are Wily too.. Do you know how many times I have seen married women in relationships with other men? It’s an alphabet soup of cheating out here. Bottom line? The propensity is there for us to all lie. It’s called being human.

Open communication keeps that madness away but we get caught up in life, stop talking and then, well, we lie.

My Mister- always open to the deep conversations. If this didn’t answer the age old question of why men lie, lay down, take 2 common sense pills and chase it down with mature water and call me in the morning..
Deuces and mad love,

Diva 

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About lawfultrainer

Passionate Educator on all things but especially family partnerships. Determined. Driven.

Posted on September 30, 2016, in devious women, Education, family, Forever Valentine, history, laughter, love, marriage, men, Mental health, Millennials, Relationship, washington Post, Women, Writing and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. It’s always refreshing to hear a males point of view. Seems we teach our boys a lot of things that are ultimate failures (in my opinion) when they became men. But, I’d still much rather hear the truth….even if my feelings are hurt. I’m a big girl. Life has hurt my feelings a lot.

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