Monthly Archives: September 2016
One of the millennials I simply adore, texted recently and made the suggestion that I should blog about why men lie, and after chuckling to myself, I immediately called the first person I ask everything- Mister.
I knew he wasn’t going to be ready but when is he ever? I’m like that kid who asks a thousand questions from the time I wake up until I fall asleep- I was born inquisitive much to his everlasting consternation but it’s part of the package he signed up for.
So I called him with a soft and sweet greeting to get his guard down and pounced before he could take a good breath.
Me: babe, why do men lie?
Him: *deep deflated resigned sigh* because it’s often easier than telling the truth.
I gave the phone my deepest side eye but kept my voice on an even keel because the poor man hasn’t done a thing wrong but here I was asking him to explain men in general everywhere.
Me: that’s it? It doesn’t go beyond that? Why does it seem so easy for guys to lie?
Him: babe, because it’s you and I know we can talk about everything, the truth is really what I said above.
Me: what causes the breakdown that leads to the lies? What are we missing? Do men usually leave their wives for other women or is that a myth?
Him: when men lie about cheating, it’s often because someone excited them or gave them something different from the norm at home. The intention is to never leave the woman they are with because he loves her. He Just wanted some variation. But that comes from not communicating wants or needs in a way that both parties hear.
Me: then why get married or be in a relationship if you know you can’t be faithful? Why not just hang out then?
Him: babe no one in their right mind spends that kind of money to get married thinking they will divorce. It all comes back to respecting each other, and I cannot over emphasize communication.
Me: why did YOU get married AFTER all that time of being single? you certainly had enough hoochie mamas waiting in the wings judging by the side eyes I get from Some of them when we run into friends of yours🙄
Him: simple. I met the ONE Person who I immediately wanted to give up any vices for. The one woman who I would throw away everything for to see a smile on her face, the one woman who made my heart happy just thinking about her, the one woman who I would share anything with, the one woman who is a daily reminder that I am a blessed man and to never forget it. That is the FIRST time in my many years in earth, I felt this way fully about any woman.
Me: wow. So you don’t lie to me?
Him: I tried lying a few times about stupid things like putting stuff in its right place but it seems you knows me better than I know myself and those blazing eyes of yours told me to quit before it was too late😂😂
Which brings me back to men lying to keep the peace. It doesn’t come from a malicious place.
Me: good lord.
Him: men KNOW babe, if a woman is someone he can see long term or if she is just isn’t. We of course don’t tell her that because it’s fun while it lasts.
Me: so what if a woman lies about cheating etcetera- does the double standard applies?
Him: yup. A man is a playboy, the woman is a whore. Men are ultra sensitive about their women being with anyone else.
Me: well I’m more confused than ever.
Him: don’t be. It really just boils down to this- we were conditioned as boys to not hurt your feelings and so we learned to lie so you could always feel good. By the time we became adults, we polished those lies to perfection to keep the peace and we are still horrible at it because we inevitably get sloppy and get caught. When we love you- fully love you- we resist the temptations and urges to be anywhere else but our mates. Women are Wily too.. Do you know how many times I have seen married women in relationships with other men? It’s an alphabet soup of cheating out here. Bottom line? The propensity is there for us to all lie. It’s called being human.
Open communication keeps that madness away but we get caught up in life, stop talking and then, well, we lie.
My Mister- always open to the deep conversations. If this didn’t answer the age old question of why men lie, lay down, take 2 common sense pills and chase it down with mature water and call me in the morning..
Deuces and mad love,
From time to time, I will write about my husband who my friends affectionately know as Mister. He is hilarious, smart as a whip and dense as a bag of nails all wrapped up in one but make no mistake- I adore him for the man that he is and for the woman he fully allows me to be with no judgement.
He has been sick for the last few days and could barely lift his head on Sunday, so I assumed he would call out of work on Monday only to see him pop up and head to work.😳😳 I was so over him and I have been trying to no avail, to get him to stay home.
Then this happened-
So I’m dressed and heading for the gym and stopped briefly to wave to the infected one before walking out the door..
Him: can you skip the gym today please? The entire heating system for the house is being replaced and they are coming super early because it will take them all day..
Me: excuse you? Skip the gym? And I gotta work today so who is going to be here when I roll out in a couple of hours? My schedule doesn’t allow for babysitting folks working in the house. And why am I just hearing this?
Him: I knew it- I told you months ago, put in on the calendar in your office, asked you to put it in your phone and I knew your schedule for today, which is why I will be back home before 9 so I can be here with them.
Me: so lemme see if I heard you correctly- you wouldn’t take a sick day for your body to heal but took a personal one for the heater? Is you crazy?
Him: there’s no right way to answer that is there?
Him: I would kiss your royally pissed face but I am infected after all which is probably best for my soul right now judging by your squinted eyeballs and tense shoulder blades. I love you babe.. I know you were supposed to be boxing this morning so the next time you go, pretend my face is on your trainers body and knock him out!! You have my permission. There is no need to hold that angst. Show him what you working with!!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I looked at him and roared!! My mister.. Gotta love him…
Marriage isn’t for punks of the fickle minded.. It’s a ton of work loaded with all kinds of compromise but in our home, we laugh a lot and just don’t take ourselves too seriously.. And when all of that fails, you walk into a gym and take it to your trainer in prayer as evidenced below😂😂
Boxing with Kenny…
Deuces and mad love,
Lord ha mercy. This here election season has been fraught with disbelief, anger, weariness, and yes, hilarity.
Up until 18 months ago, I was floating in the breeze of ” no politics on any of my social media pages,” and then one fateful morning, I saw what looked like June Bug from the ‘hood- you know him right? The dude that ran things with threats, and had no trouble breaking legs etc, to get his way because he owned the streets with no mercy or a conscience. That June Bug. The thing about June Bug is that he has a loyal following who swears he is the second coming of the ghetto and everything must be approved by his royal wretchedness.
This June Bug though, is running for President.
Of these here United States.
When he first hit the stage with his announcement to run, folks snickered and said he would never be taken seriously because he didn’t have a Clue and America was smart enough to see through his facade. A whole football team of men and one woman all lined up to trounce what they called June Bug the clueless thug, only to realize, much to their dismay, good old JB had a massive following that began emerging from the shadows like thirsty , over looked mummies whose leader had finally arisen. These followers became emboldened by the over-the-top JB who finally opened the gates of no-respectability and allowed the spewing of free speech like never before.
Meanwhile- strange fruit began hanging from the poplar trees across the country. Farmers began screeching that their farms matter and they were being marginalized so they can become extinct. They took to the streets in protest to fight for their rights.
IMAGE CREDT: “From the hanging tree to strange fruit”-Susanne Collins
Then there was Snarky. You know that person right? The one who feels it’s their turn to be in charge of the free world and feels they are too super qualified to be overlooked by the masses yet again. After all, snarky had put in her time and played the game and made her deals like a savvy politician should. And not to be out done, snarky is also trying to create history. The kind that would make you First Snarky, Senator Snarky , Secrteary of State Snarky and now President. So Snarky began lining up delegates that would persuaade people into being with her and touted all her wonderful accomplishments to date.
Slight problem. A good majority of folks found Snarky to be untrustworthy because of her ties to certain corporate structures, her less than stellar attitude when questioned about, well, questionable things and she has been caught in a net of lies.
Snarky had a competitor too but she wore him out with her super delegate counts despite what many among the masses asked for. What snarky wanted, snarky got and she now walks around with a perpetual smirk while working harder to connect with the commoners in her wake.
What is a beleaguered nation to do?
So here we are, less than 60 days away from choosing a new Commander In Chief, and we settle down for the first debate.
A whole stale pot of collard greens kind of mess.
June bug threatened to start wars for simple things, does random counting because his estimated wealth is so “bigly” he’s always being audited and he was smart to not pay income taxes on millions earned, while he lamented about the horrible infrastructure that NEEDS our tax dollars to work well.
He’s sniffling constantly, didn’t answer a single question appropriately and we are left to wonder What DOES he know and even better- who CARED, that had already decided he was their man to make Anerica Great again.
Snarky meanwhile, is asking JB to release his taxes as he hollers back when she releases the thousands of emails she erased, reminded her she was a bigot too for the laws passed by her husband that has led to many strange fruits in prison rotting away, and her desensitized behaviors to the farmers lives matter movement all around her until she was told, she was gonna need the strange fruit votes too..
If this hasn’t begun to sound like utter madness to you yet, the I don’t know what will. All this talk about foreign threats when the folks stateside are crying for tax relief, good health insurance, jobs, a decent way to live.
Watching that debacle of a debate only served to remind us that we are all in for a rude awakening- no matter who wins.
And then. This happened. As my friend Mr. Mann Frisby would say, “why sway?” Clearly, Snarky had no real clue who she was or just wasn’t fully moved by the what amounted to the “strange fruit spiritual” in mixed company.
Lawd, Lawdy, Lort.
Start storing those rainy day nuts now- I get the feeling between these two,it might be raining for a long time to come.
Deuces and mad love,
There is no other culture on earth more creative than black folks. Like seriously. Said creativity usually comes with folks turning up dignified nostrils witj a strong dose of disparaging comments ranging from from Assinine-Zookeeper
But if you tarry a while, those once “awful”things, become mainstreamed by other cultures because well, it was creative.
They try not to give us credit and behave like said action originated from their mommas womb but we are having none of that and will call it out.. Bantu knots? Originated between the knees of an African mother thousands of years ago but to hear folks tell it, they only got cute cause they wearing them now. Don’t take my word for it though-see case and file #29456 of emulation-of-culture below.
#shetriedit but that move above? Came from-you guessed it- black folks.
So while I love my people and are mostly proud of them, there are a few of us that just never have a can of “all together” no matter what the occasion and I am going to need them in the name of folks-may-try-this-too, to pull back the creative cords just a Tad.
I innocently inquired about a resent wedding from a friend and she said after giving me the little shop of horror face, “I can show you better than I can tell you.”
I just wasn’t ready for what my corneas doth behold.
These folks got married in a local mall and aside from the bride being so late that folks could have gone shopping and returned, when the procession began, there were so many bridesmaids, it took the Disc Jockey 3 whole songs to cover them all walking down the aisle. Did I mention each of the 15, stopping to wave with every step they took? One HAD to be fully seen cause after all, the bride done made them pay for these dresses and they were getting their monies worth honey.
I can’t even describe the colors and shape of those dresses because the lexicon required, isn’t yet created for my stunned brain.
Then miss Bride hit the stage in white pants and her top was wrap around sequins that made no earthly sense. I looked and tried but alas. They all rocked sneakers too which I KNOW is already a trend because someone got sick of standing for hours in uncomfortable shoes.
Back to the wedding.
At the bride and groom table were pump chairs so large and so white, I swore I saw a chalice or two next to them. I roared with laughter at the visual.
None of the usual traditions were followed which was cool with me since I wore an orange wedding gown to my own nuptials and broke the innanets😂😂😂 because we the people are creative like that.
I just can’t wait to see who is gonna emulate the stuff we come up with next but I need my people to move with caution because folks just pimping our style like it’s their own and gives us no Credit. That just won’t do.
Deuces and mad love,
On our way home from a recent function, mister and I were quietly chatting as we inched along in traffic when I noticed something weird.
There was jeep Cherokee in front of me that began rocking violently and the driver kept swinging the wheels towards the concrete barrier that shook my senses and caused everyone behind him to back off to a screeching halt.
We couldn’t hear what he was saying, but his head kept jerking back and forth violently and his mouth was wide open with rage.
Whoever the recipient of that kind of vitriol was, had my sympathies.
Dude literally snapped out here in these streets and we all awaited the impending accident based on his erratic behaviors. I am assuming he made it home safely because he wasn’t plastered on the 11 O’ clock news.
I asked mister what could have possibly caused such a reaction and he wisely said any number of things could be the issue- short fuse and everything in between.
We just never know what folks are going through out here and what that one match will be that causes an explosion.
I know one darn thing though- there is no way I am giving myself a stroke or a heart attack being that kind of angry because there is nothing worth getting that catastrophically sick.
I have felt myself getting there twice in my lifetime and those negro spirituals come in real handy. Trust. When a woman starts humming in the middle of what you are saying, let your peace be still and move quietly on until the noises in her head subsides.
That was free but invaluable advice. You are welcome.😂
Now if the person arguing with you, goes further to laying of physical hands? Nothing in my head is printable here. There is no manual
For that level of insanity so handle thyself accordingly and Be safe in your extrication of those circumstances.
A great way to handle and diffuse stress is through exercise. Not of the mouth- but of the body and mind. Meditation is calming in ways many fail to recognize and gives clarity in murky situations.
Safety first. Always. There isn’t enough love in the world that should keep anyone in a situation that leaves them on the edge of fear all the time.
Deuces and mad love,
Allow me to preface this piece by stating the obvious- I don’t know everything, cannot solve everything and am still learning, sometimes moment by moment.
What I do instinctively know? When you spend your very existence choosing to do major shifts that ultimately becomes all about yourself, the price for that is incalculable.
Let me stop speaking in a parables and tell you what’s brewing on my mind.
There is a phenomenal person who took it upon themself to bring a solid vision they had to life and has had some successes with said vision. Almost immediately though, despite being supported by large swaths of people and organizations so this vision could continue to grow and bear fruit, this person alienated many by dismissing their efforts and making it all about themselves and that they did all the work etcetera.
Just mean, cold and nasty in a way that left a distaste for said person and folks began walking away.
What is even scarier though, are the “yes” foot soldiers who sees all of this happening but say nothing and continues to support the mission despite the abuse because it’s one that supports and empowers impressionable minds.
The problem with that? When you leave that kind of behavior unchecked, it becomes a monster and now even the impressionable young minds are complaining about being marginalized and emotionally abused at the hands of said person, and parents are questioning the meaning of it all.
So, I am speaking now not just to self serving leaders but those who follow them even to their own peril- woe unto YOU because nothing you put into the universe comes back to you void. You will find no peace until you make right, the behaviors that continues to destroy from the inside what looks glorious on the outside.
Find your center-do your work with intention and speak up followers when you see your leadership going down a path that isn’t healing. Your silence is not golden and you should never fear anyone to the point where you cower and continue to allow the dismantling of fragile children to keep the peace.
Because at the end of the day? The stifling of what is right to be likable or not rocking the boat because you don’t want that level of meaness aimed your way, means you too will be held accountable for those lives. One way or another.
So what’s it gonna be? The price is to pay is too steep and there will come a day when you will have to balance that account.
Mad love and peace
I tend to hum all day.
It is not unusual for me to break out into some random song because of a word someone said or I just simply make humming sounds as I move about without realizing it.
I know I need help and it amuses Mister to no end, But stay with me here…
Hubby and I were invited to the birthday party for a one year old cousin and aside from being shell shocked at the amount of babies running or crawling on the floor like human ants, I clearly recognized that we are officially in the “seasoned” category of life, because I was so unable to can with the over stimulation of visuals and sounds in front of me.
My brian cells were not computing what was happening. At all. The baton clearly had been passed to the younger crew who were now popping out babies and starting what we had happily finished years ago. The only thing we desired to do, was babysit and send those human ants with sticky fingers and toes,back to the incubators they called parents.
So there I was writing quietly in a safe corner and probably humming because out of nowhere, this darling little girl was sitting next to me. What she said next, made me perk up and pay attention..
Her: you can sing!
Me: maybe. Who is asking?😂
Her: sing something for me please?
Me: like what? How about “happy birthday?” I do have one rule though; you must sing it with me. Deal?
She agreed and we began singing softly. I could not believe what came out of that child’s mouth!! She sang soprano like an angel and while I didn’t stop, my mind was clicking as we wrapped up.
Me: How old are you?
Me: my goodness!! Your voice is amazing.. Please keep singing as it is a gift. My husband loves to sing but he sounds like a belting frog on a good day!
She laughed and said with conviction, she was going to become a nurse. I ain’t mad at her. She can do anything she desires.
She was a wonderful example of what is possible when we nurture our children to their best selves.
In that sea of little people, I was able to connect, sing with and learn from one of them.
The lesson here for me?
Never judge a book without at least cracking the cover. No matter how small it may seem. Inspiration and lessons comes from a word, deed or even a behavior. We miss them when we choose not to see beyond what we tell ourselves. Limiting beliefs lead to limiting attitudes. See the possibilities no matter where you find yourselves.
Deuces and mad love,
I have been a voracious writer for as long as I can remember and while I have been told time and again to write and publish my shenanigans, I have been relatively “quiet” by only posting on a page with 1,500 friends and the people they may choose to share it with.
Today marks the first of 365 days of blogging. That means every single day for an entire year, I have to come up with content you will read. with some interest.
My friend Lu Ann Khan, reminded me as she was presenting a workshop for the Women In Media conference in Philly, that having content means nothing if you don’t take the time to share on a consistent basis.
The goal? Take all these blogs and turn them into a book of diva-isms.
In the middle of driving down Broad street, I noticed traffic was slowing to a crawl with no discernible reason that I could see until I got closer and saw a sight.
What seemed like a relatively young woman, was walking down the middle of one lane with a cigarette in her mouth looking like she stopped giving a damn and her eyes were vacant.
Folks were driving all around her in shock but not one person stopped. Including me.
She wasn’t high. She was clearly fed up about something and her energy said ” I wish somebody WOULD say sunthin so I can set it off in these streets.”
I read that sista code and moved gingerly around her like the red matrix with my car cause I was not fittin to disturb that kindling she was carrying in her countenance.😂😂😂
It’s mean out in these streets. We can pick any number of issues that could send us over the edge. I pray someone knows that sister well enough or was feeling brave enough, to see about her.
Today, she got my prayers and some empathy instead of judgement.
Y’all be kind out here to each other hear?
Deuces and mad love,