The Twenty Thousand dollar question….



Its been a long 7 months since I blogged anything but I have a perfectly good and sane reason-

I went off and married my Mister, yes I did!




You have all read untold stories about his antics filled with love and after 5 years of dating, we decided to go ahead and make this thing legal. So we packed up 50 of our closest family and friends, hitched a ride on a jet plane and said ‘I Do’  at sunset in Ricon, Puerto Rico.  It was magical y’all… I cant even describe it so here’s a pic for you.





It was fabulous and as you can see, I rocked an orange silk original gown that was the talk of the island.



And then, real life began.  We had to purge two households to fit into one and I remembered just how much work it is to be married.  Not to fret- I still like him.

Enough about us.

I saw a post the other day on social media and after reading the comments, I became agitated.

You see- it was about a man who asked a woman to marry him and because the ring he presented wasn’t big enough, the woman gave it back and told him to ask her again when the ring was of a certain size. It took him several years but he was able to finally present her with what she asked for so they could get engaged. To add fuel to it all, I was appalled to see some of the comments from women who agreed and based their arguments on all kinds of things and  one example was this- if he drove a car that was over $100k, he can afford a ring that was at least $20k.


shocked face


Can we just be any more selfish in our stinkin’ thinkin’?

Whatever happened to the values that man brings to the table?  Not everyone can afford a ring that will make your friends jealous ladies but I betcha this- if you love that man right where he is with nothing, he would work hard to grow your personal wealth and give you way more than a ring of your dreams.  Too often, we miss good decent, men because we are blinded by what we think we ‘should’ have after coveting someone else’s rock all the while not realizing the work and energy it takes to get and stay married.

We attract to us who we are and how we behave. I know way too many people who are now in their 50’s still single because their list of the perfect man was so superficial that he  literally had to be an Adonis with gold lined pockets in order for them to be acceptable.

So check it out-  here is a short list of what we should see before we go digging for gold-

  • Does he like his momma or the woman that raised him?
  • Would he be a good father? ( watch how he behaves around family members)
  • Is he unselfish in ways that matter?
  • Does he have the potential to not only have a stable job but the desire to keep working hard?
  • Is he kind?
  • Does he make you feel special in ways you haven’t felt with anyone else?
  • Does he have goals?
  • Can you do small or large events as a couple and walk away feeling like you worked as a team?
  • Can you be yourself and not have to change personalities when he’s around?

You get my drift right?

So many women refuse to date a man who makes less than 6 figures and that is their prerogative but please be aware, men can sense when you are seeking their pockets first and their love is secondary. They will often date you for a while and then move on to and marry, the woman who values the person and not the wallet.

It takes a man so much courage to find what he considers a decent ring and pop the question. To turn your nose up at what he can afford, sets a bad precedent that will lead to issues down the road, IF he decides to marry you after all of that.

And let’s be real- as women, we should be working on ourselves and what we bring to the table beyond degrees and money because if you are as mean as a rattle snake, no one wants to put up with that no matter what you are bringing financially to the table. There are always exceptions to this rule but its usually with a man who has no desire to strive with goals and sees you as his source to a better life.


Chile- I am just too through with folks but if you really want to know about this thing called marriage, sit down with some couples who have been on the journey for decades and get a full understanding of what it truly takes because no rock is worth the misery if you are with the wrong person.


Trust Mister and I- we both know.

I get we all want to feel special with that bling of a ring on our left hand but have mercy on the man who has to buy it for you and be sure YOU are worth it.





About lawfultrainer

Passionate Educator on all things but especially family partnerships. Determined. Driven.

Posted on September 30, 2015, in Culture, family, love, marriage, men, Relationship, rings, washington Post, Women, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. 20K for a ring is actually way too much. That money could be better used for a downpayment on a house, etc. Regardless, if I was the man, I would have dumped her ass. I thought people married for love?

  2. one would think right? some women actually think 20 k isn’t enough sigh..

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