Bitter Brew from the ex’s Stew…

I have often wondered what happened with some relationships that keeps the woman angry and dare I say, bitter long after it has ended? I have been divorced and had a couple of failed relationships and each time after a period of hurt and some anger, managed to heal and move on.

I’m am just astounded by the amount of women who are still trying to remain relevant years after the relationship has ended and it’s usually through the children. What purpose does that serve exactly?

The short term joy you feel from making your ex pull at his hair in exasperation, is nothing in comparison to the long term damage it causes the children who are the unintended pawn in it all.

And don’t let the man find happiness and marry a new woman. It’s like a holy war has begun. The time and energy spent trying to make him ” feel your pain” keeps you from experiencing your own new Joy with someone else.

I know way too many women stuck in a time warp of hate, only to look up years later and see how stuck they were in vitriol and essentially left behind. I’m sure men do this too but this blog is especially for my angry and consumed women.

When the children’s lack of performance in school is used to blame for daddy no longer being in the home, you are wrong.

When you encourage mediocrity in school so daddy will come calling or running in frustration, you are wrong.

When you tell your son consistently that daddy is the reason why you are ” suffering” and discuss daddy’s new love with anger and hate, you are wrong.

When you force the children to choose between you and their father, you are wrong.

I could go on but you get the point.

Instead of constantly standing over a cauldron of hate, anger and hurt, stirring all day, step away from the hot pot, take several deep breaths and own your part in the demise of this relationship.

Then remove that apron of guilt, take a bath in love and peace and move on with your life.

Nothing is more unattractive than a bitter person dressed up in heels and a fake smile.

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About lawfultrainer

Passionate Educator on all things but especially family partnerships. Determined. Driven.

Posted on November 3, 2014, in children, devious women, Education, family, love, men, Mental health, Parent, Relationship, Writing and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. I think this is what happens when in marriage you make your spouse “your everything”. Too often I see women who cease to be themselves and instead put all of their hopes, admiration, dreams, and self worth onto the shoulders of their husband. First of all your spouse cannot carry the weight of you through out your marriage – that is a sure fire way to crush them. When the marriage fails (as they usually) then what’s left but for the projecting spouse to lasso their self worth and emotions onto the shoulders of the dead marriage?

    Women need to love their spouse but they need to learn to do it in such a way they still remain whole people. I think they give up so much of their identity that when the marriage fails they no longer know who they are and grasp at the closet thing to them.

    Great post!

  2. Hmmm … “own your part in the demise of this relationship. Then remove that apron of guilt, take a bath in love and peace and move on with your life.” … Yes, a good thought and the best way to look at and deal with the aftermath of a divorce.

    I especially agree with the “own your own part”. It’s too easy to fool yourself in blaming everything on your ex.

    The “moving on” part is harder. If the divorce was mind searingly traumatic it’s simply hard to not have thoughts come back in to your consciousness. Nonetheless, you still have to control you’re outward behavior.

    For example, I thought had pretty much put my 20 year old divorce behind me until I went to my son’s wedding a year or so ago. My ex wife was seated across from me along with “Mike”, her significant other (who was her last lover from when we were married). To the good, I kept myself reasonably sociable. BUT all the old memories of the bitter divorce came flooding back to my mind. Having those memories flood back was like someone having a flash back from post traumatic stress disorder. I didn’t want the memories to come back to me. But they did. I had no control over it. But at least I had control over my outward behavior.

    • Its not hardly easy, trust ne i know, but its worth the peace of mind in the end. Someone who was a dear friend and sister, listened to all my tears about my impending divorce and then she secretly began dating then married my ex.. My friends and family were more hurt than i was.. Could not beleive it.. Got past that too and now I am
      Very happy.. Holding the anger was counterproductive to my soul..

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