Monthly Archives: November 2014
I have often been a harsh critic of the my generation for not taking millennials under their wings to mentor so that they can have a solid foundation to stand on as we eventually stand down.
It was in that spirit, that I decided along with some accomplished people in my network, to begin fully mentoring young people in their mid to late twenties, with the hope of staving some of which they have been craving from us.
I have been in this process for a few years now and something has become glaringly evident; a few of these new leaders are becoming the very system they spoke out against by looking out for their own interests and not helping to lift each other up. It leads to lying and pointing fingers at others in an effort to detract from the real issues at hand.
Added to the madness, is the minimalism. Some are so busy trying to promote their names and organizations in headlines, they forgot there is actual work to be done. When asked to produce some work, I get minimal to no effort with a bunch of excuses attached.
Quality work, when done consistently, is the backbone of real success so when I watch those who aren’t producing what is written on paper, while looking for the next place to have their names recognized, it gives me serious pause and speaks volumes about what hidden deals may be done, in an effort to keep giving shoddy results.
There comes a time when a name is just not going to be enough to keep one afloat and if it is thought you can be ” bought and sold” for ego, then you will be.
Are you willing to work while others yet sleep? Are you willing to learn the key ingredients for presenting oneself- that is, grooming, speech and preparedness?
At you willing hold fast to the ideology around your work without cutting corners? Are you willing to listen to sound advice from those who were there before you?
Then you are ready to do what it takes to succeed. Everything else is just window dressing clothed in laziness and a recipe for disaster.
Stand for something. Be about something other than yourself. Have some integrity and be your brothers keeper because you can’t rise alone. Treasure the time and efforts of your mentors and work hard not to burn bridges.
Most of all, leave the minimalism at the door so you don’t become a younger version of more-of-the-same.
You better believe, people are watching and nothing destroys a reputation faster than word-of-mouth by key powerful individuals who know real success when it’s presented to them.
I have often wondered what happened with some relationships that keeps the woman angry and dare I say, bitter long after it has ended? I have been divorced and had a couple of failed relationships and each time after a period of hurt and some anger, managed to heal and move on.
I’m am just astounded by the amount of women who are still trying to remain relevant years after the relationship has ended and it’s usually through the children. What purpose does that serve exactly?
The short term joy you feel from making your ex pull at his hair in exasperation, is nothing in comparison to the long term damage it causes the children who are the unintended pawn in it all.
And don’t let the man find happiness and marry a new woman. It’s like a holy war has begun. The time and energy spent trying to make him ” feel your pain” keeps you from experiencing your own new Joy with someone else.
I know way too many women stuck in a time warp of hate, only to look up years later and see how stuck they were in vitriol and essentially left behind. I’m sure men do this too but this blog is especially for my angry and consumed women.
When the children’s lack of performance in school is used to blame for daddy no longer being in the home, you are wrong.
When you encourage mediocrity in school so daddy will come calling or running in frustration, you are wrong.
When you tell your son consistently that daddy is the reason why you are ” suffering” and discuss daddy’s new love with anger and hate, you are wrong.
When you force the children to choose between you and their father, you are wrong.
I could go on but you get the point.
Instead of constantly standing over a cauldron of hate, anger and hurt, stirring all day, step away from the hot pot, take several deep breaths and own your part in the demise of this relationship.
Then remove that apron of guilt, take a bath in love and peace and move on with your life.
Nothing is more unattractive than a bitter person dressed up in heels and a fake smile.
My youngest son was born 8 weeks early at 3lbs 14 oz. But we were thrilled to see that other than his tiny size, he was very healthy. So after five days in the hospital, he was sent home. He needed doll diapers but ate like a hearty new born. No one would touch or hold him except dad, my mother and his brother who was 4 yrs old.
It is the relationship between the brothers that prompted this blog..
My oldest son knew instinctively that he had to take care of his little brother and that he did beautifully. He fed him, hugged him, helped to dress him after a bath and would put baby powder under his thick neck as he grew and became chubby. His baby brother adored him and for many years would only address him as “brother” even as he knew his name and could say it.
One day when they were 6 and 2 years old respectively, I sent them outside to play with the warning to be careful and watched as they went and began to play. I quietly checked on them
Every few minutes and it was one such check, that I saw something that seared in my brain as a beautiful memory.
The baby was watching his brother ride his bicycle around and was begging him for a ride. He stopped his bike and said ” mommy will kill me if you get hurt but if I put you on the handle, will you be careful and hang on tight?” The younger one looked up at him grinning and said ” I promise bwother!! I will hold on and won’t fall!”
I watched, rooted behind the blinds because my gut told me, to leave them be.
The older child helped his sibling up and off they slowly went. The joy on the baby’s face was indescribable as his brother concentrated and was carefully riding his brother around with his brow furrowed. He kept saying to the baby ” hold on for dear life! Mommy will be mad if you get hurt!” The baby kept saying ” I’m holding on!!”
They rode just a short distance and they were able to get down safely. The baby ran and hugged his brother’s legs with a big thank you and he patted his head while grinning with relief.
They went on to seek insects in the grass and I never shared with them what I saw that day.
They are now 22 and 18 years old. One has graduated from college, the other is in his first semester at college.
They remain close and share things I may never know about, but teaching them as babies to take care of each other, continues to pay it forward.