The man- code.. alive and well or dead?
The man- code.. alive and well or dead?
Usually when we hear of scandalous scenarios being played out in relationships, it’s because women are jealous of each other and does something sneaky like dating her girlfriend’s
Man behind her back to disastrous results. It’s the stuff that made Jerry Springer wealthy. I recently heard a story that made me ask for some feed back from men because I was too outdone.
Someone I know, has been in a solid business partnership that led to a decent friendship and both men worked hard together to make their business thrive with much success.
I often felt like one was a tiny bit jealous of the other because my friend has a wonderful personality while his partner was more business minded and serious. For the sake of this article, I will call them
Steve and Jake.
Steve met who he believed to be a wonderful young lady and they began dating in earnest, displaying pictures all over social media. By all accounts, they were the perfect couple. Something happened and they went their separate ways but unbeknownst to Steve, Jake began quietly seeing his ex-girlfriend without giving him the courtesy conversation so as not to break the ” man-code.”
In fairness to Jake, his now girlfriend didn’t think she should have said something to Steve either and both carried on as it it was the most natural thing in the world to do with Steve looking on in surprise once he found out.
Steve of course called
Jake on his actions and was not only summarily dismissed, Jake plans to marry his partner and friend’s ex.
Talk about a strained working environment.
Since I’m clearly a girl
And coming from a ” hell no”
angle, I posted on my Facebook page and asked for men to give me some insight on this scenario.
A good friend and brother Jeffery C Weaver, summed it up nicely;
“The issue here is integrity. The first guy was blessed to have the “opportunity” to rid himself of two weak individuals, who were once in his life. It’s true many, if not most, of us have thoughts that we don’t act on. The difference is that those who don’t act on such thoughts, exercise “self” control or in other words “strength” of conviction. But, we are who we are and what they “did” to him, they will, no doubt, eventually, do to each other. No real man should ever be that “thirsty!”
Jeffery’s comments mirrored most of the men who responded but one young man in his early twenties, questioned whether the man-code was dying a quick
Death because he saw way too many of his peers
Ignore it to go after a girl their friend might be dating at the time.
My response to him that a mature man would at least have the conversation first and that the bro-code is still very much alive in my humble opinion. If it is indeed dying a quick death, we need to do something and quickly because I can’t believe any man worth his salt would take a woman seriously who thought not enough of herself to hop between friends. It’s cold and it speaks of a character most men wouldn’t take home to
Just when I thought I had it all figured out, my friend Dennis Thomas said the following-
” There are a lot of guys, partners or not, out there who truly feel that once they’ve dated a woman she is off limits to all of his friends — no matter how long it’s been since they broke up. This is ridiculous thinking. We don’t own people; we just share our time with them. It’s your job to make the relationship that you have with her a great experience, and when that relationship comes to an end, you need to let her go.(In my Teddy Pendergrass voice) You had your time together and hopefully you created some great memories, but now it’s not your place to try to change and control anyone’s future or the way they want to live their lives.
I don’t believe that people are not possessions. I don’t care if it’s a casual acquaintance, I don’t care if it’s your best friend in the whole world, and I don’t care who broke up with whom. If I break up with someone — and I have broken up and been broken up with a lot — I have no problem with any of my friends dating my ex, falling in love with her and even marrying her. A great relationship, and great chemistry between two people, can be rare to come by. ”
Maybe I’m way off base here… What do you think? I would love to know your opinions one way or the other. Is the Man-code much ado about nothing or is it still alive and well?
Posted on October 8, 2014, in Culture, Education, family, history, huffinton Post, laughter, love, men, Relationship, sons, washington Post, Writing and tagged love, men, relationships, wagging tongues. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.