Messy Mothering…

Let me get this out of the way before anything else- being a mother comes with no manuals and lord do we ever make mistakes as we raise the children we gave birth to or adopted. We mean well. I get it.
We don’t always do well.
It needs to be discussed.

In recent years, I have had more than my fair share of conversations with young people, who are just torn about their parents that gave up on parenting and they (children) feel they are forced to either parent their siblings and often- the parent themselves.

It is stressful to say the least and these young people second guess what they are doing and often miss opportunities, for fear of abandonment and wanting a life of their own.

Their wings are clipped with guilty tom
Said parent with things like ” I need you to survive” or ” you are the man of the house now” or even worse, ” if you leave, I will kill myself.”

Seriously. Can we talk? Some parents have mental health issues and with help, things can be bearable but there are others, who for whatever reasons, have deliberately stifled the growth of their children.

I hate to say this but that behavior is often borne from jealousy and it is just ridiculous to hold your child back because you, never took the time to get a handle on your own life.

Our children deserve better. They will make mistakes, fall down, make some bad decisions but that is all a part of life. We were given the opportunity to give birth to them and a small window to make a decent impact upon them. They are not here as our conscience, burden bearer and certainly not here to pay our way through life while we are healthy and able to do it on our own.

Messy mothering leads to burdened children. Give them a break by getting yourself together emotionally. Finding their way does not mean they no longer love you- quite the opposite. It means you have done a good job.

Allow your children to use their wings to soar because that guilt often becomes anger that is avoidable.

Enough said.

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About lawfultrainer

Passionate Educator on all things but especially family partnerships. Determined. Driven.

Posted on April 28, 2014, in children, Culture, family, love, Parent, sons and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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