The hurtful messages we send…
I recently sat down with a brother I have long admired for his ability to work with all kinds of people, after we ran into each other at a press conference. We decided to have lunch and catch up on our lives which led to the most interesting dialogue about women being targeted by crimes more than ever and the history around it for lack of a better term.
Because we were able to have honest conversations in ways that others may take offense to, I opened the Pandora’s box knowing he would jump right in there with me.
My comment was this: there are more men than ever who feel they have no desire to be protective of women and their reason is, in part, that so many women have been telling them for years, they don’t NEED a man to protect them, pay their bills or open their doors.
Now don’t get me wrong. I totally disagree with this stance but wanted to deconstruct some of the reasoning behind it.
It almost felt to me, that some women have lost the art of honoring the men around no matter what station in life they may be in. Some will even go so far as to not speak to men making under a certain salary.. Who will it harm to be cordial?
My friend agreed men are wired to protect and be a help mate but more women find themselves educated in ways that allows them to feel what, we truly can’t figure out.
The end result, are men who feel
Women have lost the “soft edges” they have come to love and appreciate. Which then becomes ” they don’t need us so why bother trying to help them?”
Scary scenario when a woman is in trouble and there is no one around willing to stick their necks out and stand up for her.
We then got into the conversation about our own lives and the significant others within. I told him and could see he was surprised, that I had no issues whatsoever being submissive in my home to the one person who would guard me with his very life if needed. I also believe that it is my honoring of who he is, my appreciation of all he does and the willingness to support him in ways others may walk away from, that made him give that love back tenfold.
When I walk out my front door and it is time for business, then it’s game on. There is a time and a place for everything and I believe some of us don’t know when to shut certain things off in an effort to be seen as tough or no nonsense all the time.
I also make the conscious effort, to be cordial and respectful to the men I run into in my daily interactions. I may not always agree with them but would not deliberately make them feel less than a man to prove a point or make myself feel better.
My friend believes and I agree, that we need to sit at the table and have these honest conversations between men and women in a way that is constructive and yields results.
Until then, women will continue to be seen as expendable by those who feel we are worth less than nothing or we are fair game in this world.
There are some vile people in our midst, so please do not mistake this blog to mean trust everyone. Use Common sense and your intuition, to remain safe from predators and sociopaths.
Mothers play a serious role in all of this too so the next time you are angry with a man, please, try not to cuss about what he can’t do for you and demean him in front of the children . The message it sends to boys and girls are different, but equally destructive.
Let us work hard to be kind and see just how much of it is returned even in the worst circumstances. If I can get a perfect stranger to give up his seat, treat me like a lady and stop cursing in my presence with a simple look and a smile, you can too.
In lifting our men up, we lift ourselves up…
Posted on February 25, 2014, in children, Culture, Education, family, love, men, Parent, sons, Writing and tagged conversation, Education, families, love, men, women. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.