Best Father’s day Gift ever…moms listen up!!
It is no secret, that I am a product of a two parent home where both mom and dad have been a couple since Jesus was a boy… Their relationship and all that it entails, has been the marker of who I ultimately became as an adult. Not perfect by any stretch, but there were things I gained from watching them interact and the love they bestowed on their four daughters, that cannot be replicated anywhere except in how we choose to live our lives and raise our own children.
My father in particular, is my first hero; it is through his examples, that I chose the kinds of people with whom I have close relationships with and a mate who so emulates my father’s behaviors, it is almost scary. With that thought in mind, I am choosing this Father’s day to give a gift to all the men out here who would die for their children and find themselves in the cross hairs of a hellion of a woman who cannot get past her hurt feelings, even for her children, all while using the kids as the excuse for why they will not allow them access to you.
Before I excavate a bunch of hurt feelings, let me say this; I was divorced and found myself raising two young boys on my own. Aside from the shame I felt of failure at not being able to make my marriage work, I now had the daunting task of child support, visitations etc. I remember feeling hurt and so angry for what felt like months. It took prayer, love and COMMON SENSE to get past my ego and begin thinking of the children.
To that end, while there were court ordered visitations, there was never a time when I was asked or even told that the boys were being picked up, that I said no. I spent many a weekends by myself and we split holidays. Dad was involved in school from day one: that meant access to all school records and the ability to walk in the building at any time to attend any meetings or functions being held. We treated each other with dignity in front of the children and when the natural animosity faded, became friends for our children. The end result of that conscious decision on my part, has been priceless for my sons, with the added bonus of my ultimate peace of mind. My role as mom and nurturer was in no way negated by dad who taught them how to be men.
I have just been horrified, by the amount of moms who have chosen to publicly lambast the fathers of their children in front of the kids. Can we try to remember sometimes that while dad may not be perfect in behavior and let’s face it, can be a total nerve- wrecker, he still deserves the right to see his children? Can we remember that once the relationship is over, it ceases to be about us and more about the kids you brought into this world? Can we remember, that what feels like vindication on the front end, will ultimately bite you on the back-end because the child does NOT care about your feuds but would rather see their father? Can we remember that as we are fussing and throwing expletives around about this man, this was the same person we chose to give the ultimate gift of a child?
If the man wants to see his children, swallow your pride and LET him. With all the dead beat dads abound, why would you choose on purpose to keep a child from having access to a parent that cares? Why would you put your child in the middle by forcing them to choose? Why would you have open discussions with your child about the hurts you had to deal with in your relationship? Is it really any of their business or are you just twisting the knife a bit by trying to make dad look worse in the child’s eyes? I have news for you; no matter what you say and do, if dad remains consistent and bide his time, that child will find their way back to him.
If any of what I said above pertains to your behavior past or present, do us all a favor; save your child by allowing them to call and spend time with dad. It is the Father’s day gift that will keep on giving. Long term, it produces an adult who learns to live through mistakes, be love and deal with life’s trials with a level head.
Happy Father’s day to all the Dads who are missing their children…. please know, you are thought of and appreciated beyond measure. Keep your head and your faith up; NEVER give up trying to gain access to your children for they will thank you for it.