Love without limits…..
It occurred to me the other day that I write quite a bit about the one who has brought tons of smiles, understanding and a love so powerful, it sometimes defies description. To say I am grateful, is a gross understatement; in fact, I have yet to amply quantify just how our relationship redefined the way I see and appreciate this thing called LOVE. It is the most over-used yet least demonstrated four letters ever and yet, we all crave it from that special someone. Make no bones about it; I have seen my fair share of “frogs.” Cute ones, tall ones, short ones, educated bow-tie- wearing ones, smooth- talking ones… you get the point. Many of those frogs tried to hop on my “lily-pad” and most totally missed the mark as I am someone who is incredibly particular about who enters my space and psyche. But like many of you, I have found myself caught in a “drama series” that I would soon forget except it has allowed me to, through that one or two awful experiences to be clear in my mind what I wanted/needed, then to open my heart and be ready to recieve who is now the blessing, I call John.
As I was reading some words of wisdom today, I came across what I believe truly describes what we have done to make our love grow stronger each day and wanted to share it with you;
15 Concise tips about how to do relationships well – Joy Angela Degruy, PH.D
- Observe silence; learn to listen completely and to communicate openly
- Communicate consistently and frequently; speak honestly and bring your best self. This requires check-ins with your partner and yourself.
- Consider the timeliness and appropriateness of your communication. Bear in mind, that things said in the heat of the moment all too often, add to the fire. But do not avoid communication when the topic or issue is difficult if you feel it’s important.
- Before you say something, consider: How can I say it kindly? Is it honest? Is it useful? Work hard to meet all three of these bars in what you say.
- Identify trusted and wise significant individuals, loving family members, friends and mentors with whom you can meet and consult with about your relationship. ( side bar) Be incredibly clear about this person BEFORE you share as this can cause more angst than good if the wrong person is chosen to confide in.
- When you and your partner are seeking counsel from significant individuals whom you have identified, remember that it’s up to the two of you to determine the relevance and value of their advice.
- Set Goals and monitor your progress together.
- Commit to your relationship as a spiritual practice; the commitment is to each other and the divine.
- Practice fidelity; be faithful in word and deed.
- Be open and honest with each other
- If one of you stumbles, acknowledge it and the pain it has caused. Seek to make amends. Ask to be pardoned. Practice forgiveness. The great challenge is not to keep the hurt alive by repeatedly bringing up the incident. Let it go. Get help if you need to. We all mess up. As we learn to forgive, we are healed and forgiven.
- Speak your love and demonstrate your caring and loyalty. Be tender in touch, words and deeds with your beloved.
- Trust and be trustworthy. No spying on or tracking your mate. No accusing. No tolerating indignities or disrespect. And violence must never be tolerated. Trust is earned, not built overnight.
- Make it your lifelong ritual to look for wisdom and guidance from sacred writings or traditions and to practice them.
- Model what you believe.
The very best thing about John and I is this; we love each other, warts and all, bring our best selves to the table, have not, in all our years together raised our voices and we laugh like hyenas constantly because humor is something we have in common. Our values about family mesh and we believe anything is possible if we try.
The other day, I made a e pot of steel cut oatmeal and placed in front of him, a bowl of it filled with raisins. He took one look and said ” I can’t possibly eat all of this dear,” to which I replied ” You bum, I bet if I put a slab of ribs or half a meatloaf in front of you, you would eat it without question. I need you to eat better so you can stay healthy.” He blinked and said, ” thank you for the upgrade in compliments; yesterday, I was a rat bastard, today, I am just a bum.” We looked at each other, screamed in laughter and the poor oatmeal was forgotten.
Love, without limits.